Mixed Emotions...

Sigh. My depression issue got worser. I just don't know. I think maybe it's because.. Sigh. Lately I've been trying hard to get close to Rina. (made up name) but I don't know why everytime I wanna be with her, when I go close to her, she goes to someone else. It's like she don't want to be my friend. I just don't know.

Sigh.

I just don't know. I'm just not in the mood for anything. I just don't know. I told Esin my problems and now I'm regretting it. What if she don't even care? What will actually happen? It will probably just be the same. Sigh. I just don't know? What am I expecting? I can't just force her to be my friend.. Sigh.

Can't wait till this will all over.

Vite!

It means quick in French. So, kay. I need to hurry cause my battery is 5% and yeah! Today we had double IT and nothing much happened. Then it's recess I hung out with Esin. Then it's Art I did my Lino print but Mr. Matt said that maybe it won't work because my line is too thin. But I don't think I care aha. Btw many of my classmates cut themselves we finished a box of bandages. Then it's Humanities. We had a sub teacher cause Miss Gray went to a primary school. We had to do this grees screen filming thing and I installed a USD2.99 app. After that it's lunch I hung out in the library with Kak Za cause I don't think Esin actually likes me. Cause during Art I sat next to her but then she moved to sit besides someone else. Anyways, then it's French and ITS NOT A NIGHTMARE. Miss Spensieri leaved us. And Miss Matthews came. I don't know whether it's just me or what but it seems like everyone is sad tho. Anyways I think that's all. Owh wait! I got "invited" to the thing I'm not sure but I think it's like a performance or something. Okay byeee

#Throwback: 26 August 2014.

Kay, tbh it's not even a throwback. I wrote it like that cause like if I publish this tomorrow, it's as if I "throwback" about today, aye? You get what I mean? No? Kay. It is all because I don't even know what Icha did the WiFi got asdfghjkl it's not working. 

Anyways, today I got double Humanities early in the morning. I helped Miss Gray arrange the tables and put down the chair and I got 10 tribute payments for that. The thing is, I don't actually mind. It's a basis to me.

lol suddenly I remembered how back in Malaysia I used to do this routine very evening. Kay, it's like this. I always went back home late and so those two of my besties. What we actually did were just wagging in the class and play cards or gadgets or just chatting or lazying around.

Because we "owns" the class, of course we have to be responsible for it, yea? Each one of us were responsible for a row of tables and chairs and a "gate" thing. To make things easier, the windows. In the count of three, we have to arrange all of our responsible tables and chairs and close the gates.

Whoever loses the game will have to treat everyone! Yeah! Nah jk. We always treat each other so it doesn't really matter. I can't really remember tho what we had as the winner or such. I think it's to leave the loser all alone in the dark classroom? Haha I'm not sure but it is such a nostalgic memory ;)

Anyways, for Humanities we had to start filming and such. I'm not sure whether we could finish it or naa cause like they're not paying attention and be serious. I don't even know how to handle to as a team leader. Sigh. May Allah ease everything.

The next period was a library session. We just did a spelling test and yeah. After that Miss Gray gave an announcement saying that she picked 10 person out of the class to choose our best copy thing but I'm not that sure tho. And yea, I met the Challenge in the VPRC thing and I now owned a certificate jyeah!

After that, it's Science. We just did our revision on Eclipses and stuffs. I really wanna tell Miss Savic that I've learnt it all before. But what could possibly happen even if I told her? Like, what's she gonna do? FYI, Miss Savic shown us a video about Solar Eclipse - the exact video Teacher Rin shown my class last year! Wow.

Then it's Lunch. I went to pray with Kak Za then I hung out with Esin. Nothing much happened tho. Like lol, what could probably happen? And then it's Maths and it's over! The internet's still not working and it's so dumb. I hope it will be kay tomorrow!! Ameen.

Teary

I just don't know what actually happened and what I felt today. Today is Miss Spensieri's last day :( I got so sad last night and throughout today until now. The only thing I could remember that made me happy was when we're coming into our French class. The French class before us just walk out and a girl from that class named Dina; I guess, asked me "Do you have French Class now?" I just answered "Yea" cause I'm seriously not in the mood to meet Miss Spensieri for the very last time. (I hope not). I'm just not ready. I don't want an ending! Then, she asked "What's your name?" And I just replied "Humaira" when suddenly Miss Spensieri came and said.. "She's the best student, didn't you know?" That made me so happy I felt like I was flying into the air. Then Dina asked "Then, how about me?" Miss Spensieri without hesitation replied "You're the second best student" and that made me even more happy I think I died for a moment. Then Dina started talking about her GPA mark and stuffs I realized back again-- this is real, this is happening. And I felt as if there's a knife of sadness stabbed deeply in me everything turns black for a moment all of the sadness comes to me back again. After all of the "nonsense", Miss Spensieri let us come into our class and said it's free time cause it's her last day and she wanna treat us with candies and stuffs. I just don't feel like candies. Eventhough I eat anything and everything, I just can't accept the fact that she's moving away that I don't feel like candies or anything :( I don't feel like eating. I wasn't even strong enough to see her face. I took my iPad and tried to distract myself but guess what I see? Guess what's on the news? The died bodies of the passengers boarding MH17; a Malaysian plane that got shot down in Ukraine, is coming home.. And it's officially Malaysia's Grief Day.. Eventhough I'm 6,435 kilometres away from Malaysia, I could still feel the tense and grief.. And all of this made me even sadder than ever. I got so sad I think I cried when unexpectedly Miss Spensieri called my name. I blinked my eyes a couple of times pretending as if there's something in my eyes. I faced her (eventhough I don't wanna) and realized that the whole class were looking at me. And that's when my heart stopped for a moment. "Why did handshake-d me?" She asked. I let out a relief sigh and explained it all to them all. Adna came to the front and asked Miss Spensieri her contacts but she won't give us cause she said she's our teacher and we're her students. Then Adna asked whether she could hug her, but Miss Spensieri said that she can't. Why? Cause she's our teacher and we're her students. "But we could have a Hi5?" Miss Spensieri said and they Hi5-ed each other. That made Adna so happy. Then I felt so lucky that I handshake-d her :D It makes me wonder.. In Malaysia, we kinda like have to handshake with our teacher at the end of each class to thank and show respect to them. We could just hug each other if we want to and our relationship was like friends or even sisters. We could just contact each other through Whatsapp, Facebook or any other ways to keep in touch with each other and that's basically what I do now. But why can't we do it here? It feels so different here and I think most of the teachers here don't even like me.. Except for Miss Spensieri :) Anyways, then our last period was finally over and it's time to say goodbye. Everyone doesn't seem like they want an ending for this too. For a few seconds we just stand there like statues while the bell rang like a hammer knocking our hearts into pieces. I gotta admit it, it's hard to say goodbye. I tried to be strong and keep my head up. I came to her, gave her my little card I made to show how I appreciated her presence in my life and think how life's gonna be like without her back again. "She won't even remember me" I thought. When suddenly she said "I wanna hug you" it made me really asdfghjkl I can't even describe what I felt. I hug her but I just can't hold it much longer. I let her go and ran outside of the class. I'm so happy yet so sad I just can't keep my mind right. I should have hug her longer and never let her go.. Sigh. It's weird how someone could be really special in your life eventhough they had just came. I can't imagine how she could be the one I'm looking forward to see everyday for the past six weeks of my life. And my! How six weeks had passed like a blink of an eye. Everything is going to be back to normal, I guess. But my perspective about French will never be the same again. She'll always be in my heart forever and I hope our memories will never fade.. Good luck, Miss Spensieri :) I pray that you'll excel in your career, in your life and everything you wanna do. You're the most lovely teacher I'd ever met in Roxburgh College ❤️ I'll be missing you so much!! TT Sincerely, Humaira.

😌

I don't know how to describe what happened today. It's like a mixture of happiness inside a black box. You know what I mean?? Hunn, whatevs. So, today I got double Maths at the start of the day. We just proceed doing our PFT. Nothing had actually happened I guess?

Then it's recess. It's weird how we can do anything we want to during recess. My school back in Malaysia's recess was just like snack time and we had to go to the canteen. (If we don't wanna we could stay in our class and play cards or just lazying around).

I hung out with my sisters of course and we eventually sat on the grass in the middle of the field. It's because there's no canteen or such! I know there's benches everywhere but there are lots of people of course.

The bell rang and it's double English. I don't think we did anything much tho? Hunn. Turns out that today aren't that good yea? So I'm just gonna say what actually made me felt happy today. During lunch, Farrah invite me to join her team!!

At first we went to the canteen, then to the back of the school I guess. It was so much fun (if I wasn't that awkward). I just don't know. For some reason I can't talk in groups. I just don't know why. If it's just me and the other person it's just kay for some reason. I just don't know.

Btw I think one of the girl in her team doesn't like me so I just don't know. She eventually YELL to me (well, not yell but speaking loudly) saying "can't you talk?" Or something like that? Yea. Everyone said I'm so tho. The thing is, I talked a lot in my head I didn't realize that I didn't talk too much in reality 😛

Kay I think maybe that's all cause it's 1035 pm already and I haven't finished my homework and start packing up yet 😆 tata see ya 👋

1. Smile 2. Die

Kay, let me first tell you that the title have no specific reason to be related to this post. So, yeah! Today I went to school too late!! I went to school at 8:50 and by the time I arrived at the school gate, I can't even see people play basketball or soccer or such at the oval. I'm so gonna die; I think.

So I rushed to my locker and guess what I see?? EVERYONE'S WEARING JEANS. Well, not everyone, but most of them. It's jeans day! Pft I'm describing this as if I forgot to wear it where else I don't even wanna 💁 Kay, then I rushed to my locker then to my IT class.

Whatevs, along my "journey" to my IT class, I bumped into Farrah and she hi-ed me 💕 I felt so special for some reason hahha. Then I proceed my "journey" and went to my IT class. I thought I was late but then nobody's even there! Such a waste I boost up my energy running to school.

Then, I just sat there looking like a loner. Then, Angel came and we have a little chat 💘 I asked her stuffs to make things less awkward but then I wondered whether I annoyed her 😔 Then Mr. Stewart came, open the door and we came in. We had to proceed doing the book trailer thing while Mr. Stewart teach some bits and pieces along the way.

I had a lot of chat with Angel cause she wasn't here the last period so she needs tonnes to catch up. I think she had started to accept me as a friend rather than "the-awkward-kid-who-sat-besides-me during-IT". She's so gorg and I'm so lucky I gotta met her 💖

Anyways, after double IT, it's recess!! I just hung up with Kak Ina and Kak Za, dduh. After that I got double Art. Art was so fun 💞 we had to continue sketching our "4 Australian Fiona and Fauna" which I've finished, then we had to choose our favourite sketch. I drew a wallaby, a possum, a cockatoo and a kangaroo.

Guess which one I chose? Guess, guess!! Hehhe. I chose the cockatoo ^^ cause it's my "best" sketch. I honestly want to do the kangaroo one but the cockatoo one is much easier, so yeah 😝 I finished first so Mr. Matt took mine as an example for the whole class.

I felt so proud 😄 but what for, it's not like I'm the best and I'm not gonna have that talent forever. What if I break my arm and can no longer draw like that? Kay, focus. But I can't help to feel extremely happy that everyone "loves" my lino cut. Sosek even want to copy mine and everyone said its nice.

But then I felt kinda guilty that I'm the "best" in art class and my work became an example. Cause like, all of this while Esin's the best and everyone knows that. And now I'm like stole her "passion"? Yea. While I'm pecking up and cleaning up my "work area" I figure out that she "accidentally" cut herself.

But I'm not sure cause she won't show it to me. Then I realize.. What if she wants attention? AND THIS IS ALL MY FAULT cause I took what all of this while is hers 😔 I felt so guilty but what should I do? Sigh. I hope she won't feel like that. Hunn. Anyways for the lino thing we had this heat pad to warm the lino up and make it smoother. And I think you'd know. Omar N "accidentally" melt his jacket.

After we packed up and waited for Mr Matt to return our iPad, Farrah and Nora asked me whether I wanna join them for lunch. I really really wanna but I gotta tell my sister. So I just told them that. So they said "Your sister can come and join us too" I was so happy! Tbh I've been "dreaming" of it all of this while. (Well, not really.. But yea)

After art was humanities. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER I FORGOT TO BRING MY FOLDER. But thank God Miss Gray wasn't here 😝 we were supposed to be continue drafting our scripts but sigh. I guess it's my fault tho. Cause I was just showing them this app for greenscreen and suggest whether we should bring a piece of green cloth to be the background but then they wanna start recording it.

The rest was history. I just don't know. I felt so guilty cause we didn't do what we're supposed to do. Are we gone be in trouble? Detention? Saturday? NOOO!! Sigh. Things have passed yea? What should I do? I hope the substitute teacher won't tell Miss Gray about it. Ameen.

After Humanities, it's lunch! I can't wait to tell Kak Za that Farrah and Nora "invited" me for lunch. But Kak Za was so annoying she wanna be with me -- But then I can't even find them. Well, I guess it because another member of their team don't want me to be with them. Well, whatevs? 😔

After lunch was French!! I'm so sad to think that Miss Spensieri is not gonna be with us anymore. Why?! Then I realised that people come and people go. And we just have to accept it. Whyyyyyy did I even met her. If I didn't met her I'm not gone be so sad when she have to leave 😭

Anyways, she "launch" our new portfolio task and it's to make a dialogue for a role play. I teamed up with Samia cause she sat besides me and I'm comfortable with her 😊 Sonja sat infront of us and she keep talking to us about her stuffs. And we're like "We're doing our work, Sonja!"

Then, I got so annoyed I automatically been sarcastic. I was like "That's so cool, Sonja!!" and stuffs. I just can't hold it back anymore. I thought Samia will change her perspective about me like from "The partner in French" to "The hell who loves being sarcastic as if it's funny".

But then, she joins me! She joined me being sarcastic to Sonja. I figured out that she can't hold it back either 😆 Her sarcastic mode was so real I almost thought she was being honest. Even a boy behind us look at us like "The hell?" Hahha. Such memories. Btw, then I took a selfie with Samia 💞

At the end of the lesson, I can't help but to *salam* Miss Spensieri. (It's like a handshake) I just don't know. Honestly I've always got the urge to do that cause it's like a habit and I just can't help myself. So I was like "can I have a handshake with you?" She was like "??" Then I "explained" to her how it's a habit to me and I just awkwardly (cause I'm so embarrassed!!) ran out of the class.

Then I heard Adna asked "Did she just kissed your hand?!" Lol but still I felt more embarrassed. Then, Samia asked me tho "why did you do that hahha" then I've to explain all of the reasons why I do that. Lol. Can't believe how a handshake could lead to such a beautiful (yet embarrassing) memory ☺️

humph

today was such a great day but El is so annoying I don't feel like writing anything anymore --

So soz!! 😭

I keep forgetting to post anythinggggg and now I'm regretting everythingggg but then I'm grateful that I remember to post something today!! Jyeah!! So, okay. Today we had double French in the morning. I can't really recall cause I'm not in the mood cause I'm sick. For the third period, we had IT. It was so boring and pathetic because Angel was away and I'm a loner >< (well, I'm always a loner dduh)

The next period was maths. We had to go to J11 which is where I had IT. So, yeah. Mr. Stewart was still there and it was so awkward. I'm a loner, again. I don't know why but Esin don't wanna sit next it me :( the next period was English and I think everything went just fine. But I wanna tell you something.

Ceren is so kind 💕 she asked me whether I'm sick, then she asked me whether I'm okay and such. She's so caring. I think she had never made me sad or mad or such. No wonder everyone adore her :) btw I hate this one girl in my class.

The story was like this.. I sat near to the door so I have to open it everytime anyone wanna come in. Then, there's this idiot knock the door. I thought he really wanna come so I just open it. Turns out he's mucking around --

Then that girl wanna laugh like she's so smart and I'm so dumb. I hate her so much. I don't think anyone actually like her. Kay, as if everyone likes me -- so, pft. The next class was Art and pretty much that's all. Soz cause it's too short 🙈 See ya soon 👋

Mheh

I keep forgetting to write.. And it's twelve o'clock so.. Soz TT

Untitled

Today we had double Humanities in the morning. I came and the doors already open. Thank God I'm not late. Huhh. Miss Gray continued her responsibility to be the "town" mayor. The hell -- I thought those stuffs were just a dream. Hunn. Anyways, I got 4 more dollars for being self-directed 😄

At the end of the lesson "Mayor Gray" gives the people who puts in effort quick notes and tribute dollars. She didn't gave me any because she said "you have to participate by putting your hands up, okay after this" I was like "Hunn, never!" Cause like, I don't want people think that I if I answer a question it's because I want those stuffs --

Anyways, then it's recess and "bibliothéque" - an English class at the library in French. Lol. So we just had some read to self time. Nothing much cause we had to read -- lol. The next period was double science and Miss Savic was away! Guess who substitute us? Miss Spensieri!! 💘 

Most of the girls be like "GAHHH" and the boys had to cover their ears xD so, nothing much. Just work, work and more work. I took a wefie with Esin and Adna.. Well, just for memories :) Blargh then it's lunch! I'm fasting so I don't have to be bothered eating.

I hung out with Esin and Esra and a boy I'm not sure who is it. Esra keeps offering me food and of course I'll just be quiet and said no thanks. He even said "I've never heard you talk" and stuffs like that. I realize that many people had told me so. The thing is, I don't even know! I don't even know what and how to talk... I have no idea why 😓

Kay, then it's maths and dismiss. Yea.. That's basically how my day went today. I hope tomorrow will be better!! Ameen.

*dancingemoji*

I don't know. Nothing much actually happened today. So, I'm just gonna write the highlights yea? Today in English we had a new seating plan! Huhh like finally I don't have to sit next to Omar. Guess who I got sit next to? Ceren!! I'm so happy :DD but Farrah sat next to Ceren so I think they are gonna be together most of the time.. Anyways, let me first tell you how my group seating plan is.

This term, we don't have those animals group anymore. Besides, last few terms we had four teams. But now we had seven or something? I'm not really sure because Miss Gray haven't tell us the "details" yet.

But what I know is that in my team, I sat at the end of the table, next beside me is Ceren, Farrah, Esin, Ben and Nora. I think my team is just Ceren and Farrah because the seating plan chart Miss Gray show us had those different colours based on teams and I'm in the same colour as them.

But that's not what Miss Gray want us to focus to today. Guess what? Today we're launching this new "programme" something somewhat like a community or something? Like, Miss Gray said that we're in District 7D, we're apart of a community, we had our own responsibilities, and stuffs like that.

Miss Gray also made this money system thing. Like, when we do something good, we'll get "money". If we done something bad, it's the opposite. She also want someone to be a sheriff; a person who assist the mayor; Miss Gray to like see who's doing "an act of kindness" or the opposite.

She also needs a secretary and a treasurer. Whoever are they, they'll get 4 tribute bucks if I'm not mistaken. But, to get this responsibility, they first nees to send her an application letter or something.

Btw you know what?? When I first search for my name in the news eating plan, there's a text on top of my name written "Team leader. Director/ camera assistant? If I'm not mistaken?" Yea. 

What's her plan after this? Hope it's not gonna be worst. If not, I'm dead 💀 Owh and during lunch Kak Za and I went to the library cause it's so cold. We don't know what to do so we just played UNO. Suddenly there's this one boy aka my classmate wanna join us.. And Kak Za just let him -- so yeah.

So far..

Friday, 8 August 2014

Today was like the most "extraordinary" day. Kay, rather call it "up ordinary" day :) yea, that's it.. Today WE NEARLY LATE! We heard the school bell and we don't even finished wearing our scarf.. But thank God we're not late! ;) I told Esin about that (which like, I've never done before) and I wish her a "Happy Advanced Birthday" tho! :D then, it's maths class..

Nothing much cause we just did the test as what we did yesterday. (Yea, so boring!) then it's English!! Miss Gray didn't come and of course there was a substitute teacher. His name is Mr. Justen; if I'm not mistaken? Yea. Miss Gray leave us with work to do. It was to write an "Imaginative Story". I don't even finish it cause I don't even know! Can't be bothered 💁

Then it's recess and IT.. When I was waiting outside of IT classroom, Angel came and approach me ❤️ I think she had accept me as a friend it's just that I'm awkward 😅 Angle asked me whether I've done my homework and stuffs so I just said I did. And she start saying that she haven't and stuffs. I feel so appreciated for some reason 💕

Then Mr. Stewart came and open the door. We come in and I send my homework which is the poster thing, and said to Mr. Stewart "It's not that good but" (well, just in case he puts on high hope on me) and he replied "It's wonderful, Humaira" then I just smiled like an idiot. Haha

You know what.. We've also got another home learning task, which is to write a reflection paragraph worth 100 words and send it on Edmodo. Guess what I got? H/H!! :D the first H is because I sent it and the second H is for the paragraph itself.

He even leave a comment on it. Sounds like this "Your reflection was quite good Humaira" I was like, "QUITE GOOD?!" Like honestly, that's not what I thought.. But then I realize that I'd always hope for the best and if I didn't got the best I'll be like "Why?" And stuffs. Just try harder okay, Humaira!!

I've done all of the stuffs I need to do in IT, so Mr Stweart just asked me to go on Kahootz. To be honest, it's boring -- but Mr. Stewart said we're gonna learn more about it next week? *faints* anyways! after IT was French!! I love French so much because the teacher is so supporting!!

I was the first one who came in the class so I toke the opportunity to told Miss Spensieri that I'm "Aiman" lol it's such a long story tho xD my name in the role is Aiman Azrul-Rozaiman for some reason but everyone calls me Humaira. So I told her my name is Humaira and I forgot to tell her about the role thing. And she marked "Aiman" absent all if this while and Ibu got messages saying that I'm absent.

I told her that I'm Aiman and she was like, "Yea, I was about to tell you too!" And she told me that she was doing our reports and stuffs, can't find my name, realize I'm Aiman. And yeah! She even told me that "I've marked you absent, your parents must get the message, you must be in trouble. I'm so worried!" It's nice to have someone feel worried for me. Hahha.

Then she asked "why didn't you tell me!" I replied "I forgot!!" It's nice to play around with a teacher cause that what I basically do back in my old school. Everyday, it's a must to have a chat with a teacher. To play around with them, laugh with them. We're like sisters 💕 I MISS YOU SO MUCH TEACHER RODIAH )': (I know you won't read this that's why I wrote it here ;p)

Anyways, then.... After French class was over, Miss Spensieri said to Adna "I think I'm gonna be ur substitute teacher for ur class. The period after this, yea?" And I was like (lol, imma *menyampuk*) really, I was too excited!! I told her that I'm in "Adna's class" tho, so she asked us to bring her stuff to the staff room. Like for the first time in forever I came in the staff room my gawd!!

It is so beautiful. So different from our classroom. There's "red carpet" and heater on.. We even got the chance to went to our classroom by the staff room!! I felt so special hahha. Cause usually ONLY the teacher can went through the staff room and unlocked our class for us. But we can come in first!! Woohoo!!

So, Miss Spensieri toke the class from Miss Gray. Remember when I said there's no substitute teacher can handle us? 7D? Yea. Even Miss Spensieri can't handle it. People went in and out of the classroom eventhough Miss Spensieri didn't allow them, people banging the door, opens their iPad.. Apparently everyone was just minding their own business!!

Then Miss Spensieri said to me "wow, this class is crazy" "it's just okay right? In our French class?" I was like, showing he the face like "this is what I went through everyday" hahha xD in this class, we're supposed to continue our "Imaginative Story" but hehh, I don't even know!!

Tbh, even me myself don't actually focus on the work. I teased Sonja with Esin and stuffs xD I chatted a lot with Esin during this lesson. It is so nice 💕 I told her "it is so difficult to write in English" then I wrote in Malay xD she was like *read the Malay text I wrote* and it was so funny!! Should have record it hahha xD

But the Esin got sick. Like, suddenly. I don't even know whether she's pretending or what but I don't know what to do!! Miss Spensieri let me take her to the Sick Bay. Woohoo for the first time in forever! (K, I know I wasn't supposed to be like that) 

I walked her to the office and was like.. *awkward* the "receptionist" asked "what you want?" I was like *awkward* "she's sick?" And she was just awkwardly be like "go to the sickbay". The sickbay is just basically a room with a bed. There's even someone who just sit there and eat gummies. I have no idea.

So, Esin just sit there and that's basically it. When someone come in and asked Esin stuffs and somewhat like asking her to get out like "are you sure you're sick?" "Or are you hungry" and stuff and she just give Esin a cup of water and yeah. So we just get out of there and walked to our lockers.

By that time, it's already lunch time. We took ur lunch (which I haven't got any) and went to the oval to meet "the gang". They are playing basketball. And Mr. McPhail joins them too. Woad suddenly I remember my old school teacher again.. TT How I miss them so much. Kay, focus!!

Me and Esin just stand there awkwardly watching them and laugh sometimes.. Blablabla and then it's the last period which is Science!! We watched a video about how seasons acquire. I just knew that Malaysia is at the equator. No wonder it's summer all of the time!!

I told Esin that I've learnt this all last year. And I think I've been kinda "brave" enough to like actually talk. Hahha. It's a good start, aye? ;) I hope I'll be braver after this!! :DD wish me luck, okayy!!

Ehem?

Gah I don't even know.. Kay let me just tell you what happened today. Firstly I woke up then went to school. I went straight away to my locker and there's a boy smiling at me!! I'm being happy not because that guy or something but because someone notices me..hahha atleast I know I'm not invisible..

I went to my locker and went to maths class.. While we're waiting for our teacher, of course I'm waiting for Rina to come, yea?! Then, when she finally came, she went straight away to someone else TT I am so sad.. What's wrong with me? Didn't I deserve to be her friend?

Didn't I deserve to be ANYONE'S friend? Sigh. I know I can't just blame people.. Maybe it's my fault tho.. Sigh. Anyways during maths class, we learnt about probability. Then Mr. McPhail told me "The maths test is at G1 on period 3 yea" then I was like "but we had an excursion" then he think and think (while I'm hoping he'll pick someone else) he replied "owh, maybe next time" I was like 😨😰

During maths I was so sad for some reason I don't have a mood for anything. We had to write lots and lots of questions and I wrote it so small so that it won't took to much energy ;p the. Sosek and Allanah (and Esin tho) said "uff my gosh ur handwriting is so small" "we need glasses to see it" " aww that's so cute" and stuffs. They must thought that that's my usual handwriting! When it's not!! Whatevs --

After maths it's recess and then it's time for us to gather infront of the library.. Rina kindly offers me to sit next to her in the bus ^^ but then she leave me alone at the library... Heh. btw in the bus, Miss Gray sat infront us. AND IT IS SO AWKWARD MY GAWD. And apparently Rina starts using her phone.. So.. Yeah.

It was so boring in the library! As what as I expected! Should have just stay at home or something!! >< EVERYTHING WAS JUST SO AWKWARD. On the way back to school, Miss Gray sat next infront of me tho.. (Well, Rina don't wanna sit besides me anymore)

I cried in the bus. How I wish Ili, or Sarah was here :'( but I know they aren't.. That's why.. Back from the excursion it's art!! We just have to draw some Australian animals and plant for our PFT2. And then we're gonna print it on Lino print!! Can't wait cause tbh I have never heard what's that before..

Ufff (lol Sosek loves to say that I kinda "influenced" by it ;p) I'm so grateful I got the opportunity to know these kind of stuffs ^^ anyways, then it lunch. We awkwardly ate the weird looking salad (soz) Kak Za made during food class. And we ate some kuih raya I bought!! Haha (yea, we don't know what's shame --)

On our way to the prayer room (which is SO HARD to get into) there's lots of people at the yard. We were like "why?" But we can't even be bothered to know.. Then we gotta know there's a fight! Should have watch it -- Kay, things had passed.

After lunch, it's science!! For some reason, suddenly I'm happy ^^ ideky. While we're waiting for Miss Savic, Sonja asked to look at my blog. (She's so in love with my blog 😏) and she wanna take a selfie with me.. But the. Miss Savic came..

In science, we learnt about gravitational force and stuffs like that!! I like! Apparently because I've learnt it before ;p Miss Savic checked our work. And when she did mine, she said "You're so good Humaira, you just need to talk more" 

And I was like, *smile* then, what should I do?? Miss Savic went to Omar and said "And you Omar, you need to talk less" xD btw I just realize that I don't know but her right eyes is dark brown while her left eyes is kinda black-ish. (Ima stalker O..O) and had I ever told you before? She's a Leo ^^ (as if it's important)

Miss Savic checks our homework at the end of the lesson I've finished it but Esin haven't.. So was like, "do you wanna copy mine?" Such brave am I! I've never actually lend my homework to anyone. At first she was like "sokay" but then she was like, "yea!" Haha xD but then she still gotta stay for 2 minutes cause she didn't finishes it at home..

You know what.. For some reason I think everything amazes me. (Eventhough sometimes I say I hate everything) but yea!! Everything seems so odd and got my attention easily.. Like their hair colour, their skin colour, the trees, the sky, the clouds, the birds.. The ALMOST EVERYTHING! I think that's why I love deep-thinking hahha (excuse)

I don't even know..,

Sometimes I dont even know what I feel. I just don't even know! 😣 I wanna feel happy but there's like something deep inside my heart be like I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT!! Whatever it is today we had double IT early in the morning.. Nothing much happened cause Angel had an excursion..

AND I GOTTA KNOW WHAT'S MY IT PFT MARK!! I got 4 over 5. Well, tbh I'm actually expected for at least 4.5 over 5.. But heh. Things had happened. Btw actually in the PFT there's a table I didn't insert in cause I was away. And Mr. Stewart explain to me WORD BY WORD as if I don't know English hahha xD

Time passes and then it's recess.. I went to the toilet to fix my scarf.. It's weird to see people go to the toilet to braid their hair and apply make up and stuffs. Hahha. Such experience :) then it's time for Art.. Nothing much tho maybe cause Mr. Matt was away and there's a substitute teacher. 

Tbh I kinda think its funny the first time I heard "substitute teacher" cause like, you know how I love baking? Yea xD anyways, I hate substitute teacher! >( not because of the teacher but because I don't think there's any substitute teacher that could handle our class. And its gonna be so havoc every single time...

Back to our story, then it's humanities. We don't even learn cause we had our MiPs session. I love MiPs session!! Cause first, we don't have to learn. Second, sometimes it does really help me how to think. (lol) btw didn't I told you before?? Anyways, but today's MiPs session was so boring!!

It was about cyber bullying blablablahhh. But thank God time passes and it's Lunch.. Blargh then it's French. The end. I AM SO THIRSTY KBYE.

Wait..

I forgot to tell you that Miss Gray said that maybe she's gonna change our sitting plan next week. WOOHOO!! I hope I'll be placed next to someone I adore 💕 Ameen.

Weirdo..

It's weird how I had been thinking and talking about this a hundred million of times. But now I'm pretty sure that I'm not always sad. It's just that "sometimes" I'm sad, I mean TOTALLY sad and fed up on everything. I'm sorry in advance if it's so ;p so maybe I COULD write as normal in this blog. Maybe..

So today, we got double humanities early in the morning. I don't know why but yesterday's sadness was still there still and I kinda cry in humanities class (pfftt such crybaby --) anyways Miss Gray didn't tie her hair today. For the first time in forever I see her like that!

She has brunette-blonde kind of hair. Weird, aye? I'm confused. Many of the people here had that colour of hair. How come? Hahha. Cause in Malaysia everyone's hair is black. (Except for the oldies) but yeah, how come its different in different region. Btw I'm such a stalker (n creeper ._.) but then, what else should I do?!

Back to my story, at the start of her lesson, she said that Sosek send her a cute message sounds somewhat like this "Miss, I don't know where's my homework :/" or something. No wonder she asked me for Miss Gray's email yesterday!! But sigh. If only she knows that I've been sending her lots of message in Edmodo.

But then she didn't see it so I deleted it :) hahha. I've tried lots of times to send an email to her tho but there's a server error or something. But whatevs! I don't even care anymore. During humanities today, we actually learnt English. So in "English" today, we did so many stuffs I can't even remember what. 

But we had this reflection kind of thing and I just can't keep but write down all of my emotions and what I feel on that piece of paper. I. Just. Don't. Even. Know. Why. Suddenly when I think about it back again, it is so embarrassing!! What am I actually thinking?! I even wrote down this blog url. What the heck is wrong with me?!?!?!

What if she really does open my blog? What should I do?? It must be so embarrassing. And there's so much secrets in it.. Maybe I'm just gonna change the url. Hahha. But I like it so much :'(( sigh. What should I do? Just look and see what will happen? Maybe..

Kay, focus! So after all of those stuffs it's the end of the class. I "bravely" send my second edition humanities biography. (Like, didn't you know what's the meaning of shame?!) then it's recess. I just spend it with my sisters, of course. Then, in English class I wanna sit next to Rina (made up name) but then she moves to sit besides someone else ;( so I just sat there alone..

And then it's science.. And she did the same thing to me.. So I just sat there alone.. Btw, during science, remember how I say I'm not interested in anything anymore? Yea. I know that we'll have a test today but I just feel like I can't be bothered to study yesterday. I don't even know whyy.

So yeah, I haven't answered two questions. AND I HAD NEVER DID THAT BEFORE. Sigh -- I have no idea what's wrong with me.. Anyways, when I'm just being a loner there, suddenly there's a boy sat besides me 💕 Pft I put in the love emoji not because I like him but how I appreciate him sitting next to me 💕💕 

But I guess maybe he wanna sit besides me because he wanna copy me. But who cares?? At least he doesn't just leave me alone like Rina did. Then it lunch time. I hangout with Kak Za of course. I bought a salad wrap at the school canteen. Like for the first time in forever I actually bought them hahha.

It's so expensive cause for example the sald wrap is 2.50 dollar which equals to 7.50 Malaysian Ringgit!! But sokay, right? Once in a months?? Hehe. Time passes by and then it's Maths.. In maths class we just continue the test we did yesterday.. So yeah. But when Mr. McPhail asked me like..

"Do you know the Maths Competition?" And my heart sinks for a moment. "I've put in your name in it. It's next Thursday" I was like "owh gawd, why me?" I told him that I'm not good in maths and he said "I know you'll be fine.. Don't worry, no harm done" I was like "OF COURSE THERES NO HARM DONE BUT WHY ME" srsly. I'm not good at maths.. Tbh I don't even memorise my multiplication..

Gotta memorise it after this!! And I gotta make a poster for IT tomorrow. Wish me luck, kayy? ;) btw Esin's birthday is in four days time. What should I give her?? Dx

Pappapadadada

Wth mann.. I don't even know what am I writing. We're in the library now.. We're supposed to read to self but !! Can't be bothered 💁 btw many stuffs happened today. Maybe I have to look at the bright side.. Instead of feeling sad and stuff it's better if I look at the bright side yea? Sigh. Look at me. It's weird. One moment I'm so sad I think I'm gonna die but one moment I'm being "positive". The other moment I'm just a psychopath.

...

What is actually wrong with me?! Everything just seems like falling apart. I don't think I am who I am now.. I don't even know why. Yesterday we have to send our biography task. But I haven't finish it yet and I.. Just send it UNFINISHED. I have no idea what's actually wrong. I've never done that before. For some reason I just made up my mind like that.. Now I feel guilty that I haven't finish it and I don't think I can do anything about it. And it's weird how one second I'm gonna be so guilty but another second I'm just like, "whatever!" And it goes over and over again. I don't think I'm interested in life anymore.  I use to love to go to school eventhough I don't even have any friends. But now I don't think I'm excited anymore. Everyday I'll be like "can't wait for this to be over". What is actually wrong with me? I know that I'm supposed to cherish every moment but everything just seems like it tears me apart!! It's weird but I know that no one would ever understand. I use to like going to school cause that's where I could escape from being at home. But now even at school I think I'm suffering! I may always be seen smiling. But deep inside my heart, who knows? I don't think there's something I could look forward to in life anymore.. So, I'm just sorry if I haven't post anything. I just don't think there's something to be happy about anymore.. 

Sigh

I don't even know.. We had lots of PFT (as I told you before).. And IT IS SO FRUSTRATING. I can't even blog. But well, the reason I AM blogging now is that I fed up. I don't even want to put effort in it. I just don't care about them anymore! We should print our Maths PFT BUT I CANT FIND THE NETBOOK. Wth man.. ERGH whatever it is I HATE LIFE