12 September 2014

I just don't know. Kay, dear future self, first of all, I'm sorry that I haven't been posting anything for like a very long time. It's because, well, you know why. Portfolio tasks, not in the mood, procrastination, me. But today was like the ASDFGHJKL-EST day of my life! I just don't even know why! I don't know who should I tell so here you go -- dear future self.

Kay, we had Maths for the first period. Miss Nurse (a really nice, kind and very pretty student teacher) had been teaching us for like a week or so I'm not sure but yea, and today she was away. So, Mr McPhail, our "real" teacher taught us.

Anyways, I wanna sit besides EY (don't wanna tell who it was) but then she sits right at the end of a table and of course she was saving the seat next to her for LT (don't wanna tell too). So, I just seat somewhere else. It's not that I always sit besides her. Then, Mr McPhail for some reason said that we could just do some Mathletics.

So, we moved to a computer class to do it. At first he said that we're going to J11, so we just move to J11. During our "journey", EY, (and LT of course) wanna walk using a long way, like walk around the Science block. So, I just follow them. But then, EY said "You can just use the short way".

I don't know why I'm so emotional about it but, if she really does accept me as her "best friend" (as she once said so) why couldn't she just let me follow them? I don't know whether it's just me being too sensitive or, yea. Back to my story, then when we're all moving to J11, suddenly Mr McPhail said that it's actually at T1. So we all just move to T1.

In T1, I tried sitting next to EY, but again, she sat at the end of a table and LT sat next to her. So, again, I sat somewhere else, all by myself. And I, day dreamed the whole period. Suddenly tears form in my eyes. But I blinked several times and the tears disappear. I don't know why I'm just so sad. It's not like I've never sit all by myself before. It's not that I always sit with someone before.

But maybe the way I keep hoping on EY yet she keep going to LT rather than me, makes me feel I'm not worth to be a friend of. I know for fact that she had known LT longer but why can't she actually try to be close to me? Well, maybe it's cause I'm dumb. I don't know how to start a conversation, how NOT to make it awkward. I'm boring. I'm plain, and awkward.

It's actually sad how the one I accept as my first best friend accepts me for like her number 132  friend.

Whatever it is, after Maths was English. Everything went pretty much normal accept for the fact that suddenly all of the stuffs that made me so sad appear out of the blue in my head and the tears come backk and Omar noticed it. So embarassing. All of this while I cried and nobody notices. Damn. But well, that's kay cause I said I'm fine and he just minds his own business.

Then, it was recess! I hangout with my sisters of course. Then I told them how EY treat me and they were like blaming me for it and stuffs. KI (not telling which sister) don't even hear what I'm telling them. They left me behind and once again, the tears appear. I just don't even know why.

Then I heard they talked about me like "Such a crybaby". Well, not really like that but the meaning of it to me is pretty much the same. Then the bell rang and it was IT. I was the first one to come in the class and Mr Stewart asked me "How's your day going, Humaira?" I paused, and said, "Good" with a fake smile taped on my face.

TBH, I don't even know what I was feeling. But IT was pretty much okay. Maybe because I just day dreamed and overthink most of the time. Besides, EY is not in my IT class. So, I don't really have to deal with how sad, how my heart had broken into pieces because of her.

After IT was French. Miss Matthews is still sick so she was away. I was the first one to come in the class (again). So, Mr Sub (I'm not sure what's his real name) asked me "How are you going?". And I kept quite. Mainly because I'm disappointed that Miss Spensieri is not the one substituting our class. But what am I expecting for?

"Good?" Mr Sub asked me, waking me up to reality. "Yea" I replied. I just, don't know. French class is always awkward with substitute teachers. I asked SH (my deskmate in French) whether I could hangout with her during lunch. Then she said "Why?" I was like 'Why not?' but I just told her that how I'm going back to Malaysia next year so I wanna at least hangout with someone in my grade.

When the truth is actually I'm sad with my sister and I don't wanna see her and because I don't even have any friend to hangout with me. The bell rang and it was Humanities. Miss Gray didn't come for some reason. She told us before that we could do either our English task or Humanities.

Everyone was happy because no teacher to them means free time. And the're all laughing around and yeah. They sat besides their besties while me, all alone- again. Guess what I did? Cry. Until my jacket's all wet. I know, I'm such a crybaby. True enough what they said. SJF notices it first, then the whole class knows.

They all asked me why and it all made me feel even sadder. But I don't want them to leave me either. Even EY asked my why. Huhh, weird aye? How the one made me sad don't even know it's because of her. Maybe it is just me being too sensitive. I just don't know what I was feeling, what I actually want from it. I said it's nothing and they all just leave me alone as if there's nothing wrong with me.

After all of the drama I made, they all mind their own business until then it was lunch. I search for SH at her locker cause that's where she said we're gonna meet. I wait and wait yet I still can't find her. Then I think maybe she got kept in so I just went to the toilet to wash my face. (My eyes seems like panda's eyes due to too much crying).

On the way to the toilet I bump into SH and her gang. And she said "Owh, I forgot to wait for you" or something like that. I felt very sad like 'Why?' I was about to cry again (why am I such a crybaby?) but she invited me to come with them so I just hide my tears and follow them.

It was such a nice lunch I forgot how sad I am to her. I met a lot of different people and for some reason I felt kinda happy. (I haven't felt that kind of "happy" for awhile tho). We played truth or dare and stuffs eventhough I'm just too awkward and there's no word to describe how awkward I am. Awhile later, the bell rang and we have to go back to our classes.

The last period was Science. I came to the class (well, outside of class). I can only see Levent and Sonja. Levent said Hi (which is for the very first time) and Sonja was listening to music. So, I just mind my own business too. Ben came and joined Levent. Miss Savic came and open the door for us.

We all came in and Miss Savic asked us to sit in the seating plan she told us to. I just sat in my seat but everyone else didn't. So, they all sat besides their besties and you know what happened. I'm all alone. And you know what I did too. I cried. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

But that cry isn't the same as the ones before. I tried blinking a few times but instead of disappearing, the tears rolled out down to my cheeks and dropped on the Science worksheet we're filling in. I tried to inhale and exhale a few times but it just won't stop. At first it was rolling out like Angel Falls but then it became like Niagara Falls.

I don't know why, I'm just too damn emotional about everything.

But it's actually kind of weird. One moment I don't even care about anything. The other moment I care about everything but I'm just okay about it. The other moment, I'm just, too damn emotional about everything.

I cried, and cried, and cried until my eyes turn into a panda's eyes once again. The whole class notices it. Again.  All of those stuffs that makes me sad re-appear in my head and I can't help but to cry, and cry, and cry. Miss Savic taught us about Substances which is a topic I've learnt before. I used to learn it with my friends, but where are my friends now?

Then awhile later Miss Savic told us to do some questions. While we were all opening our books, she told me to come with her. I was like 'What's happening?' 'What am I gonna do?' 'What is she gonna do?'. Then we went to this room I have never came in before. (I think it's the Science block staff room).

She asked me to have a sit and she starts asking me what's wrong and such. I don't know why I just can't tell her. I don't even know why am I feeling sad. (Well, I actually know but I don't know how to tell her). She said that it's okay to feel sad. She asked me whether I would wanna talk to her.

I honestly wanna but I just don't know how. She asked whether I wanna talk to Miss Gray. I'm not sure about it but still, I just don't know how to explain it all to them. Even if I do tell them, what are they gonna do? I don't think they'll be any difference.

Miss Savic said that she'll always be there if I needed her. Well, everyone said like that when they don't even. I don't actually know what I'm hoping for. I don't even know what's going on in my life. I don't know what I want from my life. I'm clueless, I'm helpless. I'm hopeless.

Maybe the fact that everything's different. Maybe the fact that I've been denying it for too long. I don't know. Back in Malaysia, I used to be the class assistant and pretty much everyone in my grade know me. It isn't a big school so pretty much everyone in the school know me. 

Since I was the class assistant, pretty much everyone tell their problems to me. Pretty much I'm the one solving their problems, pretty much I'm the peacemaker, pretty much I'm the one everyone needed. (At least I think so)

Now - everything is different. Only some of my classmate actually know me. And I don't think any of my grade level rather than my classmate even know my presence in the school. No one even tell their stories, their problems to me. No one even like, say Hi to me that often. No one even need me.

And for some reason, I don't think I can solve my own problems by myself anymore. I don't understand myself anymore. I don't understand why I'm just too weak to handle this kind of thing. What am I hoping for? What do I want? Why do I even live in this world?

The fact that I have no more shoulders to cry on, no more back to give a surprise hug, no more hand to hold, no one to talk to, no one to understand, made me feel very lonely. And I know that there's nothing I can do about it.

I don't know why do I even come here in the first place. I should have just stay back in Malaysia, go to a boarding school or something. No one actually cares, so what? 

The days I spent in Australia is basically days of counting days til we're going to Malaysia back again. I honestly don't know what's the point I come here. What's the point I live here. What's the point of my life here?

Agreeing to come live in Australia is probably the biggest mistake I've ever made. But hey, 160 days left and I'm no longer have to be here. Just deal with it. No one will ever care, remember?

Mixed Emotions...

Sigh. My depression issue got worser. I just don't know. I think maybe it's because.. Sigh. Lately I've been trying hard to get close to Rina. (made up name) but I don't know why everytime I wanna be with her, when I go close to her, she goes to someone else. It's like she don't want to be my friend. I just don't know.

Sigh.

I just don't know. I'm just not in the mood for anything. I just don't know. I told Esin my problems and now I'm regretting it. What if she don't even care? What will actually happen? It will probably just be the same. Sigh. I just don't know? What am I expecting? I can't just force her to be my friend.. Sigh.

Can't wait till this will all over.

Vite!

It means quick in French. So, kay. I need to hurry cause my battery is 5% and yeah! Today we had double IT and nothing much happened. Then it's recess I hung out with Esin. Then it's Art I did my Lino print but Mr. Matt said that maybe it won't work because my line is too thin. But I don't think I care aha. Btw many of my classmates cut themselves we finished a box of bandages. Then it's Humanities. We had a sub teacher cause Miss Gray went to a primary school. We had to do this grees screen filming thing and I installed a USD2.99 app. After that it's lunch I hung out in the library with Kak Za cause I don't think Esin actually likes me. Cause during Art I sat next to her but then she moved to sit besides someone else. Anyways, then it's French and ITS NOT A NIGHTMARE. Miss Spensieri leaved us. And Miss Matthews came. I don't know whether it's just me or what but it seems like everyone is sad tho. Anyways I think that's all. Owh wait! I got "invited" to the thing I'm not sure but I think it's like a performance or something. Okay byeee

#Throwback: 26 August 2014.

Kay, tbh it's not even a throwback. I wrote it like that cause like if I publish this tomorrow, it's as if I "throwback" about today, aye? You get what I mean? No? Kay. It is all because I don't even know what Icha did the WiFi got asdfghjkl it's not working. 

Anyways, today I got double Humanities early in the morning. I helped Miss Gray arrange the tables and put down the chair and I got 10 tribute payments for that. The thing is, I don't actually mind. It's a basis to me.

lol suddenly I remembered how back in Malaysia I used to do this routine very evening. Kay, it's like this. I always went back home late and so those two of my besties. What we actually did were just wagging in the class and play cards or gadgets or just chatting or lazying around.

Because we "owns" the class, of course we have to be responsible for it, yea? Each one of us were responsible for a row of tables and chairs and a "gate" thing. To make things easier, the windows. In the count of three, we have to arrange all of our responsible tables and chairs and close the gates.

Whoever loses the game will have to treat everyone! Yeah! Nah jk. We always treat each other so it doesn't really matter. I can't really remember tho what we had as the winner or such. I think it's to leave the loser all alone in the dark classroom? Haha I'm not sure but it is such a nostalgic memory ;)

Anyways, for Humanities we had to start filming and such. I'm not sure whether we could finish it or naa cause like they're not paying attention and be serious. I don't even know how to handle to as a team leader. Sigh. May Allah ease everything.

The next period was a library session. We just did a spelling test and yeah. After that Miss Gray gave an announcement saying that she picked 10 person out of the class to choose our best copy thing but I'm not that sure tho. And yea, I met the Challenge in the VPRC thing and I now owned a certificate jyeah!

After that, it's Science. We just did our revision on Eclipses and stuffs. I really wanna tell Miss Savic that I've learnt it all before. But what could possibly happen even if I told her? Like, what's she gonna do? FYI, Miss Savic shown us a video about Solar Eclipse - the exact video Teacher Rin shown my class last year! Wow.

Then it's Lunch. I went to pray with Kak Za then I hung out with Esin. Nothing much happened tho. Like lol, what could probably happen? And then it's Maths and it's over! The internet's still not working and it's so dumb. I hope it will be kay tomorrow!! Ameen.

Teary

I just don't know what actually happened and what I felt today. Today is Miss Spensieri's last day :( I got so sad last night and throughout today until now. The only thing I could remember that made me happy was when we're coming into our French class. The French class before us just walk out and a girl from that class named Dina; I guess, asked me "Do you have French Class now?" I just answered "Yea" cause I'm seriously not in the mood to meet Miss Spensieri for the very last time. (I hope not). I'm just not ready. I don't want an ending! Then, she asked "What's your name?" And I just replied "Humaira" when suddenly Miss Spensieri came and said.. "She's the best student, didn't you know?" That made me so happy I felt like I was flying into the air. Then Dina asked "Then, how about me?" Miss Spensieri without hesitation replied "You're the second best student" and that made me even more happy I think I died for a moment. Then Dina started talking about her GPA mark and stuffs I realized back again-- this is real, this is happening. And I felt as if there's a knife of sadness stabbed deeply in me everything turns black for a moment all of the sadness comes to me back again. After all of the "nonsense", Miss Spensieri let us come into our class and said it's free time cause it's her last day and she wanna treat us with candies and stuffs. I just don't feel like candies. Eventhough I eat anything and everything, I just can't accept the fact that she's moving away that I don't feel like candies or anything :( I don't feel like eating. I wasn't even strong enough to see her face. I took my iPad and tried to distract myself but guess what I see? Guess what's on the news? The died bodies of the passengers boarding MH17; a Malaysian plane that got shot down in Ukraine, is coming home.. And it's officially Malaysia's Grief Day.. Eventhough I'm 6,435 kilometres away from Malaysia, I could still feel the tense and grief.. And all of this made me even sadder than ever. I got so sad I think I cried when unexpectedly Miss Spensieri called my name. I blinked my eyes a couple of times pretending as if there's something in my eyes. I faced her (eventhough I don't wanna) and realized that the whole class were looking at me. And that's when my heart stopped for a moment. "Why did handshake-d me?" She asked. I let out a relief sigh and explained it all to them all. Adna came to the front and asked Miss Spensieri her contacts but she won't give us cause she said she's our teacher and we're her students. Then Adna asked whether she could hug her, but Miss Spensieri said that she can't. Why? Cause she's our teacher and we're her students. "But we could have a Hi5?" Miss Spensieri said and they Hi5-ed each other. That made Adna so happy. Then I felt so lucky that I handshake-d her :D It makes me wonder.. In Malaysia, we kinda like have to handshake with our teacher at the end of each class to thank and show respect to them. We could just hug each other if we want to and our relationship was like friends or even sisters. We could just contact each other through Whatsapp, Facebook or any other ways to keep in touch with each other and that's basically what I do now. But why can't we do it here? It feels so different here and I think most of the teachers here don't even like me.. Except for Miss Spensieri :) Anyways, then our last period was finally over and it's time to say goodbye. Everyone doesn't seem like they want an ending for this too. For a few seconds we just stand there like statues while the bell rang like a hammer knocking our hearts into pieces. I gotta admit it, it's hard to say goodbye. I tried to be strong and keep my head up. I came to her, gave her my little card I made to show how I appreciated her presence in my life and think how life's gonna be like without her back again. "She won't even remember me" I thought. When suddenly she said "I wanna hug you" it made me really asdfghjkl I can't even describe what I felt. I hug her but I just can't hold it much longer. I let her go and ran outside of the class. I'm so happy yet so sad I just can't keep my mind right. I should have hug her longer and never let her go.. Sigh. It's weird how someone could be really special in your life eventhough they had just came. I can't imagine how she could be the one I'm looking forward to see everyday for the past six weeks of my life. And my! How six weeks had passed like a blink of an eye. Everything is going to be back to normal, I guess. But my perspective about French will never be the same again. She'll always be in my heart forever and I hope our memories will never fade.. Good luck, Miss Spensieri :) I pray that you'll excel in your career, in your life and everything you wanna do. You're the most lovely teacher I'd ever met in Roxburgh College ❤️ I'll be missing you so much!! TT Sincerely, Humaira.

😌

I don't know how to describe what happened today. It's like a mixture of happiness inside a black box. You know what I mean?? Hunn, whatevs. So, today I got double Maths at the start of the day. We just proceed doing our PFT. Nothing had actually happened I guess?

Then it's recess. It's weird how we can do anything we want to during recess. My school back in Malaysia's recess was just like snack time and we had to go to the canteen. (If we don't wanna we could stay in our class and play cards or just lazying around).

I hung out with my sisters of course and we eventually sat on the grass in the middle of the field. It's because there's no canteen or such! I know there's benches everywhere but there are lots of people of course.

The bell rang and it's double English. I don't think we did anything much tho? Hunn. Turns out that today aren't that good yea? So I'm just gonna say what actually made me felt happy today. During lunch, Farrah invite me to join her team!!

At first we went to the canteen, then to the back of the school I guess. It was so much fun (if I wasn't that awkward). I just don't know. For some reason I can't talk in groups. I just don't know why. If it's just me and the other person it's just kay for some reason. I just don't know.

Btw I think one of the girl in her team doesn't like me so I just don't know. She eventually YELL to me (well, not yell but speaking loudly) saying "can't you talk?" Or something like that? Yea. Everyone said I'm so tho. The thing is, I talked a lot in my head I didn't realize that I didn't talk too much in reality 😛

Kay I think maybe that's all cause it's 1035 pm already and I haven't finished my homework and start packing up yet 😆 tata see ya 👋

1. Smile 2. Die

Kay, let me first tell you that the title have no specific reason to be related to this post. So, yeah! Today I went to school too late!! I went to school at 8:50 and by the time I arrived at the school gate, I can't even see people play basketball or soccer or such at the oval. I'm so gonna die; I think.

So I rushed to my locker and guess what I see?? EVERYONE'S WEARING JEANS. Well, not everyone, but most of them. It's jeans day! Pft I'm describing this as if I forgot to wear it where else I don't even wanna 💁 Kay, then I rushed to my locker then to my IT class.

Whatevs, along my "journey" to my IT class, I bumped into Farrah and she hi-ed me 💕 I felt so special for some reason hahha. Then I proceed my "journey" and went to my IT class. I thought I was late but then nobody's even there! Such a waste I boost up my energy running to school.

Then, I just sat there looking like a loner. Then, Angel came and we have a little chat 💘 I asked her stuffs to make things less awkward but then I wondered whether I annoyed her 😔 Then Mr. Stewart came, open the door and we came in. We had to proceed doing the book trailer thing while Mr. Stewart teach some bits and pieces along the way.

I had a lot of chat with Angel cause she wasn't here the last period so she needs tonnes to catch up. I think she had started to accept me as a friend rather than "the-awkward-kid-who-sat-besides-me during-IT". She's so gorg and I'm so lucky I gotta met her 💖

Anyways, after double IT, it's recess!! I just hung up with Kak Ina and Kak Za, dduh. After that I got double Art. Art was so fun 💞 we had to continue sketching our "4 Australian Fiona and Fauna" which I've finished, then we had to choose our favourite sketch. I drew a wallaby, a possum, a cockatoo and a kangaroo.

Guess which one I chose? Guess, guess!! Hehhe. I chose the cockatoo ^^ cause it's my "best" sketch. I honestly want to do the kangaroo one but the cockatoo one is much easier, so yeah 😝 I finished first so Mr. Matt took mine as an example for the whole class.

I felt so proud 😄 but what for, it's not like I'm the best and I'm not gonna have that talent forever. What if I break my arm and can no longer draw like that? Kay, focus. But I can't help to feel extremely happy that everyone "loves" my lino cut. Sosek even want to copy mine and everyone said its nice.

But then I felt kinda guilty that I'm the "best" in art class and my work became an example. Cause like, all of this while Esin's the best and everyone knows that. And now I'm like stole her "passion"? Yea. While I'm pecking up and cleaning up my "work area" I figure out that she "accidentally" cut herself.

But I'm not sure cause she won't show it to me. Then I realize.. What if she wants attention? AND THIS IS ALL MY FAULT cause I took what all of this while is hers 😔 I felt so guilty but what should I do? Sigh. I hope she won't feel like that. Hunn. Anyways for the lino thing we had this heat pad to warm the lino up and make it smoother. And I think you'd know. Omar N "accidentally" melt his jacket.

After we packed up and waited for Mr Matt to return our iPad, Farrah and Nora asked me whether I wanna join them for lunch. I really really wanna but I gotta tell my sister. So I just told them that. So they said "Your sister can come and join us too" I was so happy! Tbh I've been "dreaming" of it all of this while. (Well, not really.. But yea)

After art was humanities. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER I FORGOT TO BRING MY FOLDER. But thank God Miss Gray wasn't here 😝 we were supposed to be continue drafting our scripts but sigh. I guess it's my fault tho. Cause I was just showing them this app for greenscreen and suggest whether we should bring a piece of green cloth to be the background but then they wanna start recording it.

The rest was history. I just don't know. I felt so guilty cause we didn't do what we're supposed to do. Are we gone be in trouble? Detention? Saturday? NOOO!! Sigh. Things have passed yea? What should I do? I hope the substitute teacher won't tell Miss Gray about it. Ameen.

After Humanities, it's lunch! I can't wait to tell Kak Za that Farrah and Nora "invited" me for lunch. But Kak Za was so annoying she wanna be with me -- But then I can't even find them. Well, I guess it because another member of their team don't want me to be with them. Well, whatevs? 😔

After lunch was French!! I'm so sad to think that Miss Spensieri is not gonna be with us anymore. Why?! Then I realised that people come and people go. And we just have to accept it. Whyyyyyy did I even met her. If I didn't met her I'm not gone be so sad when she have to leave 😭

Anyways, she "launch" our new portfolio task and it's to make a dialogue for a role play. I teamed up with Samia cause she sat besides me and I'm comfortable with her 😊 Sonja sat infront of us and she keep talking to us about her stuffs. And we're like "We're doing our work, Sonja!"

Then, I got so annoyed I automatically been sarcastic. I was like "That's so cool, Sonja!!" and stuffs. I just can't hold it back anymore. I thought Samia will change her perspective about me like from "The partner in French" to "The hell who loves being sarcastic as if it's funny".

But then, she joins me! She joined me being sarcastic to Sonja. I figured out that she can't hold it back either 😆 Her sarcastic mode was so real I almost thought she was being honest. Even a boy behind us look at us like "The hell?" Hahha. Such memories. Btw, then I took a selfie with Samia 💞

At the end of the lesson, I can't help but to *salam* Miss Spensieri. (It's like a handshake) I just don't know. Honestly I've always got the urge to do that cause it's like a habit and I just can't help myself. So I was like "can I have a handshake with you?" She was like "??" Then I "explained" to her how it's a habit to me and I just awkwardly (cause I'm so embarrassed!!) ran out of the class.

Then I heard Adna asked "Did she just kissed your hand?!" Lol but still I felt more embarrassed. Then, Samia asked me tho "why did you do that hahha" then I've to explain all of the reasons why I do that. Lol. Can't believe how a handshake could lead to such a beautiful (yet embarrassing) memory ☺️

humph

today was such a great day but El is so annoying I don't feel like writing anything anymore --

So soz!! 😭

I keep forgetting to post anythinggggg and now I'm regretting everythingggg but then I'm grateful that I remember to post something today!! Jyeah!! So, okay. Today we had double French in the morning. I can't really recall cause I'm not in the mood cause I'm sick. For the third period, we had IT. It was so boring and pathetic because Angel was away and I'm a loner >< (well, I'm always a loner dduh)

The next period was maths. We had to go to J11 which is where I had IT. So, yeah. Mr. Stewart was still there and it was so awkward. I'm a loner, again. I don't know why but Esin don't wanna sit next it me :( the next period was English and I think everything went just fine. But I wanna tell you something.

Ceren is so kind 💕 she asked me whether I'm sick, then she asked me whether I'm okay and such. She's so caring. I think she had never made me sad or mad or such. No wonder everyone adore her :) btw I hate this one girl in my class.

The story was like this.. I sat near to the door so I have to open it everytime anyone wanna come in. Then, there's this idiot knock the door. I thought he really wanna come so I just open it. Turns out he's mucking around --

Then that girl wanna laugh like she's so smart and I'm so dumb. I hate her so much. I don't think anyone actually like her. Kay, as if everyone likes me -- so, pft. The next class was Art and pretty much that's all. Soz cause it's too short 🙈 See ya soon 👋

Mheh

I keep forgetting to write.. And it's twelve o'clock so.. Soz TT

Untitled

Today we had double Humanities in the morning. I came and the doors already open. Thank God I'm not late. Huhh. Miss Gray continued her responsibility to be the "town" mayor. The hell -- I thought those stuffs were just a dream. Hunn. Anyways, I got 4 more dollars for being self-directed 😄

At the end of the lesson "Mayor Gray" gives the people who puts in effort quick notes and tribute dollars. She didn't gave me any because she said "you have to participate by putting your hands up, okay after this" I was like "Hunn, never!" Cause like, I don't want people think that I if I answer a question it's because I want those stuffs --

Anyways, then it's recess and "bibliothéque" - an English class at the library in French. Lol. So we just had some read to self time. Nothing much cause we had to read -- lol. The next period was double science and Miss Savic was away! Guess who substitute us? Miss Spensieri!! 💘 

Most of the girls be like "GAHHH" and the boys had to cover their ears xD so, nothing much. Just work, work and more work. I took a wefie with Esin and Adna.. Well, just for memories :) Blargh then it's lunch! I'm fasting so I don't have to be bothered eating.

I hung out with Esin and Esra and a boy I'm not sure who is it. Esra keeps offering me food and of course I'll just be quiet and said no thanks. He even said "I've never heard you talk" and stuffs like that. I realize that many people had told me so. The thing is, I don't even know! I don't even know what and how to talk... I have no idea why 😓

Kay, then it's maths and dismiss. Yea.. That's basically how my day went today. I hope tomorrow will be better!! Ameen.

*dancingemoji*

I don't know. Nothing much actually happened today. So, I'm just gonna write the highlights yea? Today in English we had a new seating plan! Huhh like finally I don't have to sit next to Omar. Guess who I got sit next to? Ceren!! I'm so happy :DD but Farrah sat next to Ceren so I think they are gonna be together most of the time.. Anyways, let me first tell you how my group seating plan is.

This term, we don't have those animals group anymore. Besides, last few terms we had four teams. But now we had seven or something? I'm not really sure because Miss Gray haven't tell us the "details" yet.

But what I know is that in my team, I sat at the end of the table, next beside me is Ceren, Farrah, Esin, Ben and Nora. I think my team is just Ceren and Farrah because the seating plan chart Miss Gray show us had those different colours based on teams and I'm in the same colour as them.

But that's not what Miss Gray want us to focus to today. Guess what? Today we're launching this new "programme" something somewhat like a community or something? Like, Miss Gray said that we're in District 7D, we're apart of a community, we had our own responsibilities, and stuffs like that.

Miss Gray also made this money system thing. Like, when we do something good, we'll get "money". If we done something bad, it's the opposite. She also want someone to be a sheriff; a person who assist the mayor; Miss Gray to like see who's doing "an act of kindness" or the opposite.

She also needs a secretary and a treasurer. Whoever are they, they'll get 4 tribute bucks if I'm not mistaken. But, to get this responsibility, they first nees to send her an application letter or something.

Btw you know what?? When I first search for my name in the news eating plan, there's a text on top of my name written "Team leader. Director/ camera assistant? If I'm not mistaken?" Yea. 

What's her plan after this? Hope it's not gonna be worst. If not, I'm dead 💀 Owh and during lunch Kak Za and I went to the library cause it's so cold. We don't know what to do so we just played UNO. Suddenly there's this one boy aka my classmate wanna join us.. And Kak Za just let him -- so yeah.

So far..

Friday, 8 August 2014

Today was like the most "extraordinary" day. Kay, rather call it "up ordinary" day :) yea, that's it.. Today WE NEARLY LATE! We heard the school bell and we don't even finished wearing our scarf.. But thank God we're not late! ;) I told Esin about that (which like, I've never done before) and I wish her a "Happy Advanced Birthday" tho! :D then, it's maths class..

Nothing much cause we just did the test as what we did yesterday. (Yea, so boring!) then it's English!! Miss Gray didn't come and of course there was a substitute teacher. His name is Mr. Justen; if I'm not mistaken? Yea. Miss Gray leave us with work to do. It was to write an "Imaginative Story". I don't even finish it cause I don't even know! Can't be bothered 💁

Then it's recess and IT.. When I was waiting outside of IT classroom, Angel came and approach me ❤️ I think she had accept me as a friend it's just that I'm awkward 😅 Angle asked me whether I've done my homework and stuffs so I just said I did. And she start saying that she haven't and stuffs. I feel so appreciated for some reason 💕

Then Mr. Stewart came and open the door. We come in and I send my homework which is the poster thing, and said to Mr. Stewart "It's not that good but" (well, just in case he puts on high hope on me) and he replied "It's wonderful, Humaira" then I just smiled like an idiot. Haha

You know what.. We've also got another home learning task, which is to write a reflection paragraph worth 100 words and send it on Edmodo. Guess what I got? H/H!! :D the first H is because I sent it and the second H is for the paragraph itself.

He even leave a comment on it. Sounds like this "Your reflection was quite good Humaira" I was like, "QUITE GOOD?!" Like honestly, that's not what I thought.. But then I realize that I'd always hope for the best and if I didn't got the best I'll be like "Why?" And stuffs. Just try harder okay, Humaira!!

I've done all of the stuffs I need to do in IT, so Mr Stweart just asked me to go on Kahootz. To be honest, it's boring -- but Mr. Stewart said we're gonna learn more about it next week? *faints* anyways! after IT was French!! I love French so much because the teacher is so supporting!!

I was the first one who came in the class so I toke the opportunity to told Miss Spensieri that I'm "Aiman" lol it's such a long story tho xD my name in the role is Aiman Azrul-Rozaiman for some reason but everyone calls me Humaira. So I told her my name is Humaira and I forgot to tell her about the role thing. And she marked "Aiman" absent all if this while and Ibu got messages saying that I'm absent.

I told her that I'm Aiman and she was like, "Yea, I was about to tell you too!" And she told me that she was doing our reports and stuffs, can't find my name, realize I'm Aiman. And yeah! She even told me that "I've marked you absent, your parents must get the message, you must be in trouble. I'm so worried!" It's nice to have someone feel worried for me. Hahha.

Then she asked "why didn't you tell me!" I replied "I forgot!!" It's nice to play around with a teacher cause that what I basically do back in my old school. Everyday, it's a must to have a chat with a teacher. To play around with them, laugh with them. We're like sisters 💕 I MISS YOU SO MUCH TEACHER RODIAH )': (I know you won't read this that's why I wrote it here ;p)

Anyways, then.... After French class was over, Miss Spensieri said to Adna "I think I'm gonna be ur substitute teacher for ur class. The period after this, yea?" And I was like (lol, imma *menyampuk*) really, I was too excited!! I told her that I'm in "Adna's class" tho, so she asked us to bring her stuff to the staff room. Like for the first time in forever I came in the staff room my gawd!!

It is so beautiful. So different from our classroom. There's "red carpet" and heater on.. We even got the chance to went to our classroom by the staff room!! I felt so special hahha. Cause usually ONLY the teacher can went through the staff room and unlocked our class for us. But we can come in first!! Woohoo!!

So, Miss Spensieri toke the class from Miss Gray. Remember when I said there's no substitute teacher can handle us? 7D? Yea. Even Miss Spensieri can't handle it. People went in and out of the classroom eventhough Miss Spensieri didn't allow them, people banging the door, opens their iPad.. Apparently everyone was just minding their own business!!

Then Miss Spensieri said to me "wow, this class is crazy" "it's just okay right? In our French class?" I was like, showing he the face like "this is what I went through everyday" hahha xD in this class, we're supposed to continue our "Imaginative Story" but hehh, I don't even know!!

Tbh, even me myself don't actually focus on the work. I teased Sonja with Esin and stuffs xD I chatted a lot with Esin during this lesson. It is so nice 💕 I told her "it is so difficult to write in English" then I wrote in Malay xD she was like *read the Malay text I wrote* and it was so funny!! Should have record it hahha xD

But the Esin got sick. Like, suddenly. I don't even know whether she's pretending or what but I don't know what to do!! Miss Spensieri let me take her to the Sick Bay. Woohoo for the first time in forever! (K, I know I wasn't supposed to be like that) 

I walked her to the office and was like.. *awkward* the "receptionist" asked "what you want?" I was like *awkward* "she's sick?" And she was just awkwardly be like "go to the sickbay". The sickbay is just basically a room with a bed. There's even someone who just sit there and eat gummies. I have no idea.

So, Esin just sit there and that's basically it. When someone come in and asked Esin stuffs and somewhat like asking her to get out like "are you sure you're sick?" "Or are you hungry" and stuff and she just give Esin a cup of water and yeah. So we just get out of there and walked to our lockers.

By that time, it's already lunch time. We took ur lunch (which I haven't got any) and went to the oval to meet "the gang". They are playing basketball. And Mr. McPhail joins them too. Woad suddenly I remember my old school teacher again.. TT How I miss them so much. Kay, focus!!

Me and Esin just stand there awkwardly watching them and laugh sometimes.. Blablabla and then it's the last period which is Science!! We watched a video about how seasons acquire. I just knew that Malaysia is at the equator. No wonder it's summer all of the time!!

I told Esin that I've learnt this all last year. And I think I've been kinda "brave" enough to like actually talk. Hahha. It's a good start, aye? ;) I hope I'll be braver after this!! :DD wish me luck, okayy!!

Ehem?

Gah I don't even know.. Kay let me just tell you what happened today. Firstly I woke up then went to school. I went straight away to my locker and there's a boy smiling at me!! I'm being happy not because that guy or something but because someone notices me..hahha atleast I know I'm not invisible..

I went to my locker and went to maths class.. While we're waiting for our teacher, of course I'm waiting for Rina to come, yea?! Then, when she finally came, she went straight away to someone else TT I am so sad.. What's wrong with me? Didn't I deserve to be her friend?

Didn't I deserve to be ANYONE'S friend? Sigh. I know I can't just blame people.. Maybe it's my fault tho.. Sigh. Anyways during maths class, we learnt about probability. Then Mr. McPhail told me "The maths test is at G1 on period 3 yea" then I was like "but we had an excursion" then he think and think (while I'm hoping he'll pick someone else) he replied "owh, maybe next time" I was like 😨😰

During maths I was so sad for some reason I don't have a mood for anything. We had to write lots and lots of questions and I wrote it so small so that it won't took to much energy ;p the. Sosek and Allanah (and Esin tho) said "uff my gosh ur handwriting is so small" "we need glasses to see it" " aww that's so cute" and stuffs. They must thought that that's my usual handwriting! When it's not!! Whatevs --

After maths it's recess and then it's time for us to gather infront of the library.. Rina kindly offers me to sit next to her in the bus ^^ but then she leave me alone at the library... Heh. btw in the bus, Miss Gray sat infront us. AND IT IS SO AWKWARD MY GAWD. And apparently Rina starts using her phone.. So.. Yeah.

It was so boring in the library! As what as I expected! Should have just stay at home or something!! >< EVERYTHING WAS JUST SO AWKWARD. On the way back to school, Miss Gray sat next infront of me tho.. (Well, Rina don't wanna sit besides me anymore)

I cried in the bus. How I wish Ili, or Sarah was here :'( but I know they aren't.. That's why.. Back from the excursion it's art!! We just have to draw some Australian animals and plant for our PFT2. And then we're gonna print it on Lino print!! Can't wait cause tbh I have never heard what's that before..

Ufff (lol Sosek loves to say that I kinda "influenced" by it ;p) I'm so grateful I got the opportunity to know these kind of stuffs ^^ anyways, then it lunch. We awkwardly ate the weird looking salad (soz) Kak Za made during food class. And we ate some kuih raya I bought!! Haha (yea, we don't know what's shame --)

On our way to the prayer room (which is SO HARD to get into) there's lots of people at the yard. We were like "why?" But we can't even be bothered to know.. Then we gotta know there's a fight! Should have watch it -- Kay, things had passed.

After lunch, it's science!! For some reason, suddenly I'm happy ^^ ideky. While we're waiting for Miss Savic, Sonja asked to look at my blog. (She's so in love with my blog 😏) and she wanna take a selfie with me.. But the. Miss Savic came..

In science, we learnt about gravitational force and stuffs like that!! I like! Apparently because I've learnt it before ;p Miss Savic checked our work. And when she did mine, she said "You're so good Humaira, you just need to talk more" 

And I was like, *smile* then, what should I do?? Miss Savic went to Omar and said "And you Omar, you need to talk less" xD btw I just realize that I don't know but her right eyes is dark brown while her left eyes is kinda black-ish. (Ima stalker O..O) and had I ever told you before? She's a Leo ^^ (as if it's important)

Miss Savic checks our homework at the end of the lesson I've finished it but Esin haven't.. So was like, "do you wanna copy mine?" Such brave am I! I've never actually lend my homework to anyone. At first she was like "sokay" but then she was like, "yea!" Haha xD but then she still gotta stay for 2 minutes cause she didn't finishes it at home..

You know what.. For some reason I think everything amazes me. (Eventhough sometimes I say I hate everything) but yea!! Everything seems so odd and got my attention easily.. Like their hair colour, their skin colour, the trees, the sky, the clouds, the birds.. The ALMOST EVERYTHING! I think that's why I love deep-thinking hahha (excuse)

I don't even know..,

Sometimes I dont even know what I feel. I just don't even know! 😣 I wanna feel happy but there's like something deep inside my heart be like I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT!! Whatever it is today we had double IT early in the morning.. Nothing much happened cause Angel had an excursion..

AND I GOTTA KNOW WHAT'S MY IT PFT MARK!! I got 4 over 5. Well, tbh I'm actually expected for at least 4.5 over 5.. But heh. Things had happened. Btw actually in the PFT there's a table I didn't insert in cause I was away. And Mr. Stewart explain to me WORD BY WORD as if I don't know English hahha xD

Time passes and then it's recess.. I went to the toilet to fix my scarf.. It's weird to see people go to the toilet to braid their hair and apply make up and stuffs. Hahha. Such experience :) then it's time for Art.. Nothing much tho maybe cause Mr. Matt was away and there's a substitute teacher. 

Tbh I kinda think its funny the first time I heard "substitute teacher" cause like, you know how I love baking? Yea xD anyways, I hate substitute teacher! >( not because of the teacher but because I don't think there's any substitute teacher that could handle our class. And its gonna be so havoc every single time...

Back to our story, then it's humanities. We don't even learn cause we had our MiPs session. I love MiPs session!! Cause first, we don't have to learn. Second, sometimes it does really help me how to think. (lol) btw didn't I told you before?? Anyways, but today's MiPs session was so boring!!

It was about cyber bullying blablablahhh. But thank God time passes and it's Lunch.. Blargh then it's French. The end. I AM SO THIRSTY KBYE.

Wait..

I forgot to tell you that Miss Gray said that maybe she's gonna change our sitting plan next week. WOOHOO!! I hope I'll be placed next to someone I adore 💕 Ameen.

Weirdo..

It's weird how I had been thinking and talking about this a hundred million of times. But now I'm pretty sure that I'm not always sad. It's just that "sometimes" I'm sad, I mean TOTALLY sad and fed up on everything. I'm sorry in advance if it's so ;p so maybe I COULD write as normal in this blog. Maybe..

So today, we got double humanities early in the morning. I don't know why but yesterday's sadness was still there still and I kinda cry in humanities class (pfftt such crybaby --) anyways Miss Gray didn't tie her hair today. For the first time in forever I see her like that!

She has brunette-blonde kind of hair. Weird, aye? I'm confused. Many of the people here had that colour of hair. How come? Hahha. Cause in Malaysia everyone's hair is black. (Except for the oldies) but yeah, how come its different in different region. Btw I'm such a stalker (n creeper ._.) but then, what else should I do?!

Back to my story, at the start of her lesson, she said that Sosek send her a cute message sounds somewhat like this "Miss, I don't know where's my homework :/" or something. No wonder she asked me for Miss Gray's email yesterday!! But sigh. If only she knows that I've been sending her lots of message in Edmodo.

But then she didn't see it so I deleted it :) hahha. I've tried lots of times to send an email to her tho but there's a server error or something. But whatevs! I don't even care anymore. During humanities today, we actually learnt English. So in "English" today, we did so many stuffs I can't even remember what. 

But we had this reflection kind of thing and I just can't keep but write down all of my emotions and what I feel on that piece of paper. I. Just. Don't. Even. Know. Why. Suddenly when I think about it back again, it is so embarrassing!! What am I actually thinking?! I even wrote down this blog url. What the heck is wrong with me?!?!?!

What if she really does open my blog? What should I do?? It must be so embarrassing. And there's so much secrets in it.. Maybe I'm just gonna change the url. Hahha. But I like it so much :'(( sigh. What should I do? Just look and see what will happen? Maybe..

Kay, focus! So after all of those stuffs it's the end of the class. I "bravely" send my second edition humanities biography. (Like, didn't you know what's the meaning of shame?!) then it's recess. I just spend it with my sisters, of course. Then, in English class I wanna sit next to Rina (made up name) but then she moves to sit besides someone else ;( so I just sat there alone..

And then it's science.. And she did the same thing to me.. So I just sat there alone.. Btw, during science, remember how I say I'm not interested in anything anymore? Yea. I know that we'll have a test today but I just feel like I can't be bothered to study yesterday. I don't even know whyy.

So yeah, I haven't answered two questions. AND I HAD NEVER DID THAT BEFORE. Sigh -- I have no idea what's wrong with me.. Anyways, when I'm just being a loner there, suddenly there's a boy sat besides me 💕 Pft I put in the love emoji not because I like him but how I appreciate him sitting next to me 💕💕 

But I guess maybe he wanna sit besides me because he wanna copy me. But who cares?? At least he doesn't just leave me alone like Rina did. Then it lunch time. I hangout with Kak Za of course. I bought a salad wrap at the school canteen. Like for the first time in forever I actually bought them hahha.

It's so expensive cause for example the sald wrap is 2.50 dollar which equals to 7.50 Malaysian Ringgit!! But sokay, right? Once in a months?? Hehe. Time passes by and then it's Maths.. In maths class we just continue the test we did yesterday.. So yeah. But when Mr. McPhail asked me like..

"Do you know the Maths Competition?" And my heart sinks for a moment. "I've put in your name in it. It's next Thursday" I was like "owh gawd, why me?" I told him that I'm not good in maths and he said "I know you'll be fine.. Don't worry, no harm done" I was like "OF COURSE THERES NO HARM DONE BUT WHY ME" srsly. I'm not good at maths.. Tbh I don't even memorise my multiplication..

Gotta memorise it after this!! And I gotta make a poster for IT tomorrow. Wish me luck, kayy? ;) btw Esin's birthday is in four days time. What should I give her?? Dx

Pappapadadada

Wth mann.. I don't even know what am I writing. We're in the library now.. We're supposed to read to self but !! Can't be bothered 💁 btw many stuffs happened today. Maybe I have to look at the bright side.. Instead of feeling sad and stuff it's better if I look at the bright side yea? Sigh. Look at me. It's weird. One moment I'm so sad I think I'm gonna die but one moment I'm being "positive". The other moment I'm just a psychopath.

...

What is actually wrong with me?! Everything just seems like falling apart. I don't think I am who I am now.. I don't even know why. Yesterday we have to send our biography task. But I haven't finish it yet and I.. Just send it UNFINISHED. I have no idea what's actually wrong. I've never done that before. For some reason I just made up my mind like that.. Now I feel guilty that I haven't finish it and I don't think I can do anything about it. And it's weird how one second I'm gonna be so guilty but another second I'm just like, "whatever!" And it goes over and over again. I don't think I'm interested in life anymore.  I use to love to go to school eventhough I don't even have any friends. But now I don't think I'm excited anymore. Everyday I'll be like "can't wait for this to be over". What is actually wrong with me? I know that I'm supposed to cherish every moment but everything just seems like it tears me apart!! It's weird but I know that no one would ever understand. I use to like going to school cause that's where I could escape from being at home. But now even at school I think I'm suffering! I may always be seen smiling. But deep inside my heart, who knows? I don't think there's something I could look forward to in life anymore.. So, I'm just sorry if I haven't post anything. I just don't think there's something to be happy about anymore.. 

Sigh

I don't even know.. We had lots of PFT (as I told you before).. And IT IS SO FRUSTRATING. I can't even blog. But well, the reason I AM blogging now is that I fed up. I don't even want to put effort in it. I just don't care about them anymore! We should print our Maths PFT BUT I CANT FIND THE NETBOOK. Wth man.. ERGH whatever it is I HATE LIFE

Short week ☺️

Hehhe cause my sisters and I were away for three days for Eid hehhe. Such tiring you know.. Hmm anyways, we went to school from our house the moment the morning bell rang. Bahah thank God we're not late! We rushed to school just in time~

I had Maths for the first and second period. I chatted a little with Esin and suddenly she asked, "Where we're you yesterday?" And I was like, "At home?" And I just knew that they all came yesterday. Except me! bahahaha. Anyways, as you know we had to do our PFT1 for Maths and Ceren sat besides me!! ^^ But we don't even chat cause we're sitting at the front row and Mr. McPhail is right infront of us.

During Recess I just hangout with Kak Ina and Kak Za and finishes my homework ;P But then Miss Gray didn't even want to look at it! -- Btw because I haven't come for like a week (jk) I've missed a lot of classes and what I now know; humanities PFT1 is due tomorrow! WTH! It's a biography about leader. Sigh. I hope I could manage to do it tonight. Wish me luck!!

The fifth period is Art and everything went normal. Except for that Mohamed (a guy from my class that I've never talk to before) asked me "What language do you speak?" And I was like... "English?" And he was like, "I mean, your background language" And reply, "Owh, Malay" And he told me that he had bee to Malaysia three times! I have no idea why they wanna go to Malaysia several times --

The last period is Science. Well, Science is just basically a cycle of got scold and work. But today we learnt a new chapter and IT IS MY FAVOURITE CHAPTER!! It is about the Universe ^^ I just love to learn about it. It is such, wonderful. I hope I can excel! Ameen. Well, apparently I've actually learnt most of them back in Malaysia, so yeah ;PPP

Ssup

Heyy.. It had been a while since the last time I posted. It is because last week (and this week tho) is the week of portfolio tasks and assigments. Sigh. Had I ever told you before? I can't even remember bahah. It's also Eid the last few days and such.. So yeah.

Anyways it's actually maths now and we have to finish our PFT. I've done it and I have no idea what should we do next. Hehhe. Maybe I should ask Mr. McPhail.. Hmm

Wihuu

Bahah it doesn't actually make any sense. It's English now and we're at the library! We're supposed to have our read-to-self time but I'm so bored!! 😪 we just knew that we'll have an excursion the next week after next week. (Whaa??) anyways, I don't feel like going to any excursion.. It must be so lonely and boring!! 😫

Wihuu

Bahah it doesn't actually make any sense. It's English now and we're at the library! We're supposed to have our read-to-self time but I'm so bored!! 😪 we just knew that we'll have an excursion the next week after next week. (Whaa??) anyways, I don't feel like going to any excursion.. It must be so lonely and boring!! 😫

Extraordinary 💪

Okay, that Emoji didn't even match at all 😦 btw today is so much funnnn 😆😆😆 During French today I chatted a lot with Samiya (and Shayla at the end) and Miss Spensieri said that she likes my iPad cover 😊😊😊

You know when I chatted with Samiya, I had pronounce MANY words WRONG. So embarassing but, pft English is not my first language 💁 And I'm proud to be Malaysian, so 😛😛😛

We gotta start doing our PortFolioTask 1 this week. AND WE DID IT IN CLASS TIME. Like, in Malaysia, in class time we had works to do. Then, we got homeworks at the same time. Then, the PortFolioTasks, we had to do it at home. (yea, at the same time when we got homeworks). 😒😒😒

Anyways, while I was doing my PortFolioTask, suddenly *Ra* messaged me on Kik. She wrote "Humaira" then, "I'm sorry.." I really wanna see what's it but I don't have VPN so I can't open those kind of apps. So, I just leave it there. Well then, what should I do? 😔😔😔

During Recess I *temankan* Kak Za (Kak Ina *temankan* her tho) to ask for the receipt at the School Office. Like, woww.. Back in my old school we don't even have those receipt-kind-of-thing. Which basically made Ayah need to pay several of times 😒😒😒

Anyways, we waited, and waited, and waited. Cause there are so many people at the office. We waited and waited and waited (woww, that's A LOT of repetition 😝😝😝) until the warning bell rang. 😒 So, I just left them and went straight to my locker.

Through my "journey" to my locker, I bumped into Ra and her gang. At first I was like, "huhh, kau sujod kat kaki aku sekarang! 👿" Translation: "Hunn, now you beg for my apology at my feet!" (well, I don't actually know how to scold people in English but 😛) Then, I was like 😇 haha not really but yea..

At least they WANT TO apologize 😊 Well, everyone makes mistakes, yea? And I know how it feels like to being judged before. So.. yeah. Then I awkwardly say "Err, bye.. GTG to class" and went away. But then I bumped into Omar 😑😑😑

He asked me whether I wrote that he get rid of the seating plan on Edmodo 😆😆😆 hahha. I can't even believe that I actually tell like ALMOST EVERTHING in this blog and mostly all of my feelings and emotions.. Some of them kinda actually make me feel embarrassed but who cares? 💁

Back to the story, I continue my "journey" to my locker and then to IT class. Pretty much kinda boring cause I didn't sit next to Angel cause someone else sat besides me. I'm not sure who's she but I guess her name is Fiona or something? Hunn, sorry 🙊🙈

TBH I can't even concentrate in IT thinking about how Ra "beg" for my apology. hunn.. (suddenly I ❤️❤️❤️ the word "hunn" I have no idea why.. Don't judge 😜✋) Maybe that's the reason why Allah made me fought with Ra. To straighten our ukhuwah?  Who knows??

And then it's Maths 😪😪😪 Mr. McPhail was away today. So, we had a substitute teacher. It was so havoc in the class. Everyone is sitting wherever they wanted. (including me 😜😜😜) People opens their iPads and not doing their work.

Nia (made up name cause I don't want to embarrass her) even like and comment my photo in Instagram 😆😆😆 hahhahaha. Suddenly Miss Gray came which basically means Maths is over and it's time for English. During English, we don't even learn anything!! 😎😎😎

Because we're having our MiPs session 😄😄😄 We have never had those kind of thing back in Malaysia. Well, but we do have Usrah 😊😊😊 MiPs sessions were so nice. I like how it could change how we think about "life" and how we think of ourself. It really does sometimes helps me alot 😊

In those session, Miss Gray made us wrote about our Personal Life as a Fault Finder and as aBenefits Finder. In the "Fault Finder" part I wrote "I hate having to sit besides Omar everyday" well, that's basically just a Fault Finder, I'm not serious! Then, Omar was like, "Is it true?" hahahaha 😂😂😂 Sorry, Omar 😂😂😂

And then it's lunch!!! I HANGOUT WITH ESINN 💕💕💕 It's so nice to be with her. I feel, so.. Me. I don't think I'm actually who I am when I'm with the others but when I'm with her.. I feel.. So confident cause she's like my friends back in Malaysia. The way she encourage me and stuffs..

Thank you so much Esin 💕💕💕

And then the warning bell rang and it's time for Art. While we're waiting for Mrs Springbett I took a wefie with Esin 💕💕💕 And with Lylah and Larissah tho 😄😄😄 If I could I would wanna take ALOT OF WEFIES with them- ALL OF THEM especially with Esin 😊😊😊

I downloaded VPN while we're waiting cause Esin asked me to send the photos to her. So, yeah. I hope I'm never gonna mis-using them, Ameen. And then Mrs Springbett came and we come in class and start our Art lesson. I'm so grateful to be given the oppoturnity to be here.

I felt so special ☺️☺️☺️ Alhamdulillah.

*smirk*

Ra just sent me a message on Kik and FB messenger apologising about it 😝😝 but I can't reply cuz I don't have VPN. And yeah. Maybe she thought that I'm must mad or something 😝😝😝 tbh, I'm kinda mad but that's not how a Muslim treat each other yea? 😊

So colddd

We came to school pretty early today 😊 I'm waiting outside my French class with Ryan bahah. Ceren said hi to me 💕 And shayla tho 😘 Josef just came and join us. Pretty much everything is basically the same. (Well, dduh) okayy, my hand is freezing cuz of writing. Gotta just warm it in my pocket ☺️

Tomorrow 😥😥😥

Tomorrow is school ohmygod... WHAT should I do? When I meet her?? Should I pretend like nothing happened? Kinda yea cause it's not my fault 😒 Should I avoid her? But why should I? BUT Esin said that whatever happens I can call her 💕 YEAYY. And Kak Za said whatever happens tho she will bring her friends to talk to Ra. Haha. Who will be afraid now? Owh, Allah.. Ease everything 😥

It's open 💕

Just so you (le me in the future) know that I just told my friends about this blog 😊 and Lylah said she like it 💕 I'm so happy 😆

First week is over!

Cant believe it........ Anyways, Friday is always like the most tired day ever. Cause we'll have all of the subjects except Art. ideky. So, today during Math I sat next to Ceren 💕 But appareantly Farrah sat next to her, so basically she's chatting and stuffs with Farrah.

In IT, I got a new School ID cuz ideky they made 2 IDs for me (well, basically for us- me and my sisters) no wonder my internet's not working!! 😠 hee. So now I knew my REAL school ID and my School email :)) yeayyy

During French, the teacher Miss Spensieri (I just know her name!!😆😆😆) She *puji me 😝 She said that "I realized that you're so good in French" Bahahah 😆 Thanks, Miss 💕 And btw, I sat next to Samiya and we chatted a lot! We talked about our countries, and friends, and stuffs.. Such good time..

During Humanities, Miss Gray let us sit anywhere we wanted, so as you would basically know, I sat right to nobody 😊 Suddenly I dont feel like actually care about having any friends. Like, nobody would actually care. So what? TBH I do feel sad but I'm tired feeling it over and over again. That's why.

The last period for today is Science. I sat right next to Ceren. But that doesn't really gave an impact cause Miss Savic is so strict she doesn't allow anyone to chat or whatsoever. And anyways, I took a picture of her today 😆 Well, secretly. Basically because Kak Ina wanna know which one's Miss Savic.

French.

It's French now and I had nothing to do. I've done what I am supposed to do, so yeah. I sit right next to Samiya now 😆 And I just knew that our substitute teacher's name is Miss Spensieri 😊

Trouble

We're waiting to go to the auditorium now. Omar and Lylah get rid the seating plan during Math (now). They are so gonna be in trouble :P Farrah just come in and she coloured her hair! We'll, just the tips of it.

---

We went to the audiotarium for a cyber bullying programme. Kinda interesting but no one wants to sit beside me 😞😞😞 I went to be with Esin but she went to someone else.........

During English, we read the book Red Dog but I didn't have it because when I went to landmark to buy it, the book is out of stock. So, I just order it. But then, they didn't deliver it yet!!! So annoying. And after we read the book, Miss Gray asked us to brainstorm the adjectives of the specific word.

Miss Gray partnered me with Omar. Well, after she said "Don't kill me but I'm gonna pair you up with Omar" haha 😂

😞😞😞

Okay, this has nothing to do with school but I hate Kak Ina 😠 Whenever I did something wrong, she'll be like,

"Buat je lah, gedik"

"Ngada owh, gedik"

"Ape masalahnya? Gedik"

Should she actually say that? I HATE THAT FREAKIN WORD, to be really really honest.

"Come" said her

Nothing much happened today but..

I chatted with Angel during IT ☺️😆 we're not that awkward now.. hahha not really but atleast there were improvements. 😛 I HANGOUT WITH ESIN TODAYY. Probably because Omar force us to. I wanna tell you about it but I got so busy thinking about it that I forget to write 😑😑😑

Omar Shaaban.

He is so nice- to everyone. Even to a loser loner like me! He's somehow understanding and caring. He knew and understand that I don't have a friend and he tries hard to matchmake me and Esin. So nice, ain't him? No wonder why everyone loves him.

But the thing is, I don't even know. Esin had her own gang. And me, being the awkward me, what am I supposed to do? I prefer being alone with someone so that there will only be one people I gotta talk to and only one people gotta hear my "slow-talk". It's awkward to be in a gang- for me.

Cause I'm not good at communicating with a group of people cause I dont even know like, when two or more people speaking, I just don't know how to join the conversation so I'm just gonna stand there quietly and well, being the awkward me. But I don't even know. Maybe I should try to be in a gang. 

Sometimes you just have to force yourself, aye? AND the thing that eventually courage me to actually think like that is because one of the "member" in Esin's gang somehow.. Welcoming and encouraging me to be in the group. Alhamdulillah, may Allah ease everything, Ameen.

"First" Day of School

Hahh.. I finally went through first day of school! Haha, such dramatic. It's not like UPSR or whatt. Anyways, first day of semester two had been good so far. Maybe because I've got my iPad, alhamdulillah. 

During French, at first I got partnered with Sonja, Miss (I can't remember what's her name cause she's a substitute Teacher for 6 weeks - the one I told you before) askes us to "talk" about our holidays and such. I told Sonja that I'm fasting cause it's the month of Ramadhan.

And I asked her what religion she is. And she said that she doesn't even have a religion. And it is the time for me to *berdakwah!! I told her, "Did you know that we - Muslims have to fast because so that we know how it feels like to be poor and have no food to eat"

And she was like, #sentap. I hope she'll get *hidayah from Allah to be a Muslim, ameen. Then, for the next *activity, I got partnered with Shayla, she's so gorg. She has a beautiful brunette - I guess hair with a totally stunning eyes that I can't even remember what colour is it. I wonder what keturunan she is.

We "discussed" about pets because that is what we supposed to. She's so nice. I told her about Sunsilk (my pet rabbit) and she was like very encouranging me to talk and I felt.. special. I hope we could be more than just "awkward friends" and I hope I could take a wefie with her!!

During IT, I sat next to Angel, again! I guess I'm gonna sit with her forever and I'm so happy! But we're just.. awkward cause I don't even know what to say.. I hope, I really really hope that I'll be brave enough to talk like the others and the one.. I used to be when I'm in Malaysia. Ameen. 

During English, we had to set our new EJournal for Semester Two. Because I don't have an iPad in Term Three, Miss Gray thought that I'm never gonna have them. So, she bought me a book! It is so cute. A pink book with three puppies on it. But then, I told her that I've bought one so she just keep it.

Miss Gray is so nice. She's very understanding and very supportive. (Okay, I'm sorry that everytime I mention her name I don't know why I'm gonna describe and keep adoring her) She's so kind I hope she's a Muslim. I don't even know why.

When we were waiting for Miss Springbett (our Art teacher - on Monday and Thursday) to come, Imad keep asking all of us "Are you fasting?" Firstly, she asked Esin and Esin answered "Yea" And he was like "Sister, we're brother and sister" and stuffs and they shake hands like their best friends forever.

And then he asked me. And he did all of the stuffs he did to Esin. But when he's trying to shake hands with me, I was like "Didn't you know that we can't actually touch each other?"

And then he thought that WE CAN'T TOUCH ANYBODY and I was like, "What I mean is that, GIRLS can't touch BOYS, BOYS can't touch GIRLS." And he was like, "Owh, really?" And discussed it with Omar N and a couple of boys. Omar N was like, "We can't touch girls after puberty" or stuffs like that.

And Imad was like, *lend out his hand to salam* and said, "It's okay, I haven't got my puberty yet" And I was like, "But I don't want to touch you!" I know it sounds rude, but what could I probably do? It makes me feel.. sad. How come? He's a Muslim, but why didn't he know it?

Sigh. I pray that Allah give *hidayah to all of them. To my teachers, to my friends, to my Muslim friends to wear Hijab, to even me - myself. To learn more about Islam so that I could share it to others. My Allah ease everything. Ameen.

Alhamdulillah!

Guess what happened? I got an iPad!! Alhamdulillah!! Thank you, Allah. I pray that I'll always use it effectively and yeah :) And I hope everything will be just fine!

Owh my my my my my

k, enough. ehem. tomorrow is the last day of break which obviously means the day after tomorrow is the first day of SEMESTER TWO! I hope everything will be just fine~ Ameen.

Happy~

So happy I don't even know why ><

Have fun?

Nothing much cause today is probably the last today of term and everyone was like, "That's take a last day of term selfie" or "Miss, can we celebrate?" and such.. so yeah

We had a new teacher in French class. Well, not actually a "new" teacher. Just a substitute teacher for 6 weeks. Whadaa? haha. It is because Miss Matthews is going to French, so yeah. We just play games and stuffs like that to know each other and stuffs..

We play games again during Humanities but I didn't because I need to finish a sort of "poster" thingy. I don't even know what to tell ya cause nothing much happens AND TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF BREAK!! AND SUNDAY IS RAMADHAN!!

I really relly really can't wait for Ramadhan! ^^ But sometimes I don't feel like I'm ready and I'm afraid that I didn't spend it productively. Anyways, I wanna do it productively this year!! Wish me luck, okay? :)

Ramadhan 2014 Checklist

Khatam Qur'an in the month of Ramadhan

Pray 5 times a day. Never skip or late!
Pray 8 rakaat of terawih

Never miss Sahur

Break fast with date

Always zikir

Always make do'a

Make du'a during the "mustajab" time..

Worst?

I don't even know. Somehow I don't even feel like living on life. I don't even know why. Everything that happened today just seems so grey and it's killing me. I don't even know why. No one actually cares about me. I eventually cried during Science class thinking of this. I feel.. So.. describable.

I'm so sad that Ili is no longer here with me. She's the one who'd always care about me, asks me if anything went wrong and such. I just can't accept the fact that she's no longer here and NOBODY is actually here for me. ---- said that I'm her best friend but why did she went to --- rather than me?

My did she went to ----- instead of me? Why didn't she realize that I'm actually waiting for her? Why didn't she realized that.. I need her? Why didn't she realized that I'm putting high hope on her and I really really sincerely wanna be her friend.

But then I realize that I have Allah. He will always be here for me *bittersmile* Thank you, Allah. I know that you've planned the best for me. Somehow I wonder that maybe you didn't find me a friend yet so that I'm closer to you. And that's how I know that You'll always be here for me :) Alhamdulillah.

Everything happens for a reason. Who knows if it's the best for you?

Bon Anniversaire?

Nothing much to actually be related to the topic. hahha >< TBH i don't actually know what to put. soznotsoz. Okay, let's start my "story"! --- Today is Josef's birthday.. And yeah. hahha ;P

We learnt to draw a Mandala in Art class. An art where we have to put in symbols that represents us and stuffs. So, I put in a symbol of a crescent moon and a star cause that's represents Islam, right?

And Mr. Matt was like, "Turk, huh?" And I was like, "Err, no. I'm Malaysian' And he was like, "Then, what does this symbol represents?" And I was like, "Err, Islam? I'm a Muslim" And he was like, "Oh, in Turkish flag there are those symbols too.." And then he walks away..

We had an assembly for 5th period so we didn't have Humanities. Not really an assembly but I guess it's like a presentation about turtles. haha. So many stuffs I now know :) One of the stuffs I wanna share with you is.. If the temperature is hot, it will be a female turtle while if it's cool, it will be a male turtle. Why? Cause woman are hot and man are cool. HAHA xD The speaker actually said that!

During French today we do a "Croissant" thingy that I'm not really sure about. It's actually like the teacher wanna treat us with croissant. And I don't even know whether it's halal or not! And I was like.. "Miss,, I don't feel like having any"

And she was kind "shocked" and said, "You don't feel like having any? Why? Do you wanna take one home?" And I was like, "No" And she was like, "Why? Have you started fasting early?" And I was like, "Haha, no. I just don't feel like eating" And she was like, "Okay.."

The thing is, I don't even know why! I eventually feel kinda guilty. I don't even know why.. Hmm, And 22nd June is her birthday tho. Just so that le me in the future know ;P BTW, hey sup, whatcha doin?

K, enough with the nonsense! Today when the warning bell for the 6th period and I was like *mamai* cause OMG another class and then, it's ~The End~!! And suddenly there's a boy *tegur me. "Melayu, ehh?" He asked. And I was like, "haah" and then I procees to go to my locker.

But then I was like, "Wait, what?" But when I turns around to look who is it, there's nobody. I told Kak Za about it and she said that it's a ghost. hahah. I'm pretty sure it's not and maybe it's because I'm tired and stuffs and yeah. I bet he's Yusuf that Ibu mentioned before. Hmm, idec.

Whadaa

We are so late today because Kak Za wore the veil that I usually use because it's the easiest veil to wear. (Okay, stop blaming other). So, I gotta wear other veil and it is so complicated and we're SO LATE! We ran, rush to school on the windy and rainy day. (So dramatic, hahha!)

The moment I arrived to my class, the door had opened and everyone's inside. Kinda (not kinda, but yeah!) make me nervous but thank God the bell didn't went yet. huhh. During Humanities, I just sit there silence and not participating at all. Because I'm tired because of the running and stuffs.

And it is so awkward!! Did you remember that I told you that we had a new seating plan? I sit besides Omar Shaaban, yea? And he's always late and always away. And of course it will be me at the corner, nobody besides me, Esin, Murat ad so on. It is so awkward not sitting next to anybody. Especially when I'm at the end of the table! It seems like I'm stranded there with no connection with people.. krikrikrik ._.

Anyways, they (Adna, Sosek and Allanah) stalked my ask.fm during Science class ._. And there was this thoughts question about Sosek and I answered "She's so nice. I like her style" and she was like, "Aww, thank you!" And I was like.. *smile* hahha #AwkwardMomentEveryTime

I spent Lunch with Esin and the gang today! It is "so much fun" -,- not really tbh ;P But it's nice to hangout with Esin and Farrah and Lylah :) Eventhough it's so windy I gotta hold my shawl everytime and yeah. I hope tomorrow I could hagout with them againnnn!!!